On [the discussion of] U.S. Politics (no.21)

 

 

 

Understanding my Approach to U.S. Politics

From time to time I feel the need to engage the political process or share information via social media such as Twitter or Facebook.  What seems to be innocuous engagement often turns into something quite different and often has undesirable results.  Much of this can be attributed to the not-really-designed for dialogue medium of social media and the internet. Most of these conversations get off track because of misunderstanding.  I understand we all have different opinions and that some of the disagreement stems from the way that we have experienced the world.  That’s essentially a human characteristic – we are all remarkably diverse, and it’s something we all need to accept.

The troubling part of these social media political conversations is when people attribute to me (or anyone else for that matter) a whole set of intentions and/or affiliations based on faulty assumptions (You know what they say about assumptions). There is a big difference between a fact and opinion that a person states and their rationale for stating it or their position regarding the matter. 

For example – because I am a Christian I have a foundational commitment to biblical compassion and justice. I may relate a troubling fact about the growing gap between the rich & the poor (which includes the disappearing middle class).  This means I think that this is a problem & that is why I am communicating it.  Research shows the fact to be true.  I post it because I want others to know about it and hear opinions as to what can be done about it.  This is all within the realm of dialogue.  Now – because I am stating something about the rich & the poor does not necessarily mean that I am engaging in class warfare, that I support occupy Wall Street, that I desire an “entitlement” state, that I am a socialist or communist, or (derogatorily) that I am liberal.  The same can be applied to any number of what people consider, for some reason, “issues of the left” such as welfare, education, the environment, or any political candidate who is a Democrat.  I see these as “country issues” that are not the province of one party/perspective.   Another example – because I am a Christian I care about marriages and relationships. Divorce rates and issues facing families concern me as problematic. I post it because I want to share it and want others to know about it & work towards solutions. This does not mean I am endorsing any political action group or set of laws regarding marriage and family or advocating a particular “issue of the right.” 

The same approach is consistently applied to my thoughts on other issues such as the national debt, individual responsibility, limitation of the federal government, church & state separation, or military action; my discussion of these issues doesn’t mean I am (derogatorily) conservative.  I see this as a “societal issue” that affects all of us. The problem with assumptions is they are judgments not based on fact but based on fear or its sibling anger.  This usually leads to labeling, name calling, & the breakdown of relationship. All of these are addressed in the New Testament as sin, because God cares about the unity (& diversity) in the body of Christ.   My allegiance in life is to no other name than Jesus Christ. 

In an effort to increase understanding, so that Christ may be glorified, I am posting this note so people know my positions and approach to politics – specifically why I refuse to chose a party or be a one issue voter.  If I feel that communication is devolving, I will refer people to this statement.  I realize that people may disagree with my principles and that is fine. However, they will clearly know where I stand and why I take that stance.  I hope this invites clearer communication & worthwhile discourse.

(1) I am a Christian who lives in a democracy. As such, my main concern is the Church not the State. I believe that both the far right & far left make the mistake of trying to make the State the Church – and thus try to legislate based on a faulty assumption. America may have been founded by some Christians (but not all were) – but they clearly established a democratic-republic, not a Christian nation. Jews, Muslims, all-other religions and atheists are welcome as full-fledged Americans. This is the vision of the founders. This, however, does not mean that Christians have no say in government.  The say that we do have should be what promotes “justice for all.”  The Christian role in government should be the “common good” & for equality in individual liberties.  When we try to make the State fill the role of the Church we weaken both entities and disfigure them beyond recognition.

(2) As a Christian, I do not have the liberty of speaking of or treating any group of people with degrading or dehumanizing statements or attitudes.  This often comes in the form of sweeping stereotypes such as: All rich people are greedy. All poor people are not lazy.  Fiscal responsibility is a matter of justice just as is rightly conceived welfare assistance that lends a hand to the “least of these.”  I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt & also giving them grace.  I believe there are good Democrats & bad Democrats, good Republicans and bad Republicans.  I believe there are other political perspectives that have things to teach us but aren’t legitimized as major political parties.  I have friends across the political spectrum – and I appreciate that & try to learn from them.  Frankly, I care more about our unity in Christ (for the Christians) and who they are as people (for everyone). Most of all – no one person or party has cornered the market on Christianity. That is why I am not a one issue voter.  This is also why I choose to be a political Independent.  Ronal Reagan said – if we agree on 80% of things that doesn’t mean you’re my enemy – it means you’re my ally. I think most Americans agree on most things. Most Americans want real solutions from a good government but not an intrusive one.

(3) I am a Christian who believes that God calls us to worship him with our mind, meaning we should use it.  As a Wesleyan, I use the tools of Scripture, tradition, reason, and experience. Sweeping generalizations and over-simplifications of complex issues are problematic for someone such as myself, who can see value in multiple perspectives and who knows the danger of reductionism. Also, this means that I believe that science is a helpful tool in getting to the truth about things. Emotions are a part of who we are but they should be the last thing we consider because they don’t tell us much other than when we feel threatened or secure.  Basing opinions on emotions, or only on anecdotal experience, is not a thoughtful way to care for the common good or for oneself.  Trying to examine & think through issues often leaves me seeing the value of both sides of an argument. I’m often left searching for a middle or better option than extremes on the table.  For example – I believe that education is foundational for civil liberty and I generally believe it’s underfunded (teacher pay mostly). However, I also believe there is a lot of waste and poor policy regarding education and it needs real reform.  I can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater – I don’t think that is the only choice.  Furthermore, we must all examine our thoughts to see if they are LOGICALLY CONSISTENT.  Many times people hold contradictory beliefs (like upholding Ayn Rand’s nihilistic individualism & Christianity) OR they refuse to apply their critique of one party’s policies to their OWN party (like being upset with “Big Government” when it’s the Democrats but not applying that critique the Republican governmental power overreach).  If you are going to hold a position – you must HOLD IT EQUALLY across the board or admit that you really don’t hold said position, rather, you just wish to use it to label your political opponents.  We can’t have our cake and eat it too. 

(4) As a Christian, I recognize the Bible takes social justice & systemic evil very seriously – as it does personal evil & poor choices. The world is not fair & the deck is stacked against the powerless in favor of the powerful. This is recognition of how extensive and communal sin actually is – it’s the way of the sinful world.  However, we are persons within a sinful world & we are culpable. The Bible also teaches us that part of being human means the ability to choose, to take responsibility for one’s life.  God gives us an alternative community for healing – the Church. Our past need not determine our future; we can be transformed in Christ. My ultimate dream is that we serve one another in love, equipping and empowering one another to be the whole person in Christ.  The government can have a role in ensuring the fairest playing field possible, but it cannot force people to be responsible and must be wary of the dangers of enabling irresponsibility (in rich & poor) people. 

(5) Finally, I believe that absolute power corrupts absolutely – so as a Christian I believe in the biblical idea of accountability. No person can combat the temptations of power without the aid of others. I think the wisdom of our founders is seen in the fact they established a government with a balance of power, one with three branches of power.  I realize that government itself is powerful. A government that is not accountable to its people is in danger of abusing that power.  Voters get to hold the government accountable.  Government needs to be transparent, and in some cases like taxation this means it must be clearer in order to be more accountable to the people. I also realize that Jesus named “Mammon” as the main false god.  All power of this world follows money. Money is the leader, the influencer. Those who govern need money to get elected & money to govern. It’s intoxicating. The source of money – business – must also be addressed. I believe in the value of law & regulation for the purpose of keeping business accountable to the people of a nation.  Just because we could make more money unlawfully does not mean that we should – because we all, business included, pay for it in the end (see Great Depression & 2006/7 bubble burst).  Good laws can aid the common good and each individual citizen.   I don’t believe that government or business are “evil” – they can be – but as such, neither of them are “bad” in and of themselves; moreover, each is capable of great good.

These are the essential premises that go through my mind as a Christian who happens also to be a citizen of the great United States of America.  If you want to understand what I say politically without assuming and without judgment, I have summarized the intent of my heart & mind here. If you disagree with these things, you are free to do so, but I will likely ask you to give good reason why.  I will expect a good answer, based on consistent thought (for Christians – based on your theological worldview) because I believe we’re all capable of it if we try (and because I believe that God expects us to “reason” through things, not just “feel” them).  I don’t mean to offend you if I press you for more reasoning. Most of the time, I’m trying to understand why you feel as you do. Sometimes I disagree and am trying to understand how you could feel the way you feel. The bottom line in is that I am seeking understanding.  My first step has been to clarify my own reasoning for you. My second step is to give you a fair hearing & seek understanding your perspective. If we still disagree, then I believe we will be able to do so with civility.  I will not seek to demean or degrade you or judge you as inferior simply for having a different opinion than my own. Finally, I will always continue to stay in relationship with you because I believe you’re a dearly beloved child of God & I care most about God’s Kingdom & the blessed life offered to all.

Grace and Peace,

Jason

Stumps (no. 20)

Greetings Family and Friends!

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! Happy Easter. Though we just celebrated Easter Sunday, we are in the season of Easter – the Resurrection time in the church calendar – where we look for and expect to see the resurrected Christ. We serve a God who is faithful to bring new life out of death. We prepared ourselves during Lent to learn how to be in a deeper relationship with this God – to trust Him more fully, to love Him more deeply. Ultimately, to allow Him to put to death in us the things that belong to this decaying and dying world so that we are FREE to receive the new life He wants to create in us.

However, let me be honest. New life is not easy. On one hand, we have the REALITY of the Resurrected Christ in this world and in our lives. On the other hand, we have the REALITY that we still live in a broken world with broken bodies and broken pasts and broken hearts. We have this treasure, as St. Paul says, in jars of clay. We live in-between the ALREADY and the NOT YET. There is a qualitative difference to it all – but where is it, what does it look like, and how does it change this present experience?

Maybe in being honest, I should say that this new, resurrected life is not easy for me. Today’s blog entry is my 20^th post on what was the beginning of a deep renewal in my life, as God challenged and deepened me through thoughts of reconciliation, vulnerability, and covenant – after what was a kind of “dark night of the soul.” The first two or three posts on this website will explain this awakening in my soul. That was the beginning of the process. Lent was a time to deepen my faith in following and love for Jesus again. The culmination of that is the three days of Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter Sunday – after which the reality of our world and our lives are forever altered. In Christ, we are a new creation.

Yet, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.

And the reason is failure.

Most of your know that I have been a student in a martial arts class that meets in my instructors garage for about 3 years now. He teaches us the art of Kung Fu and Ninjitsu out of his own generosity and much of class time is truly dedicated to personal growth through the discipline of martial arts. I’m often learning about life – and myself – through something we’re working on in martial arts.

More specifically – I tend to be learning these life lessons through some exercise I am failing in – often repeatedly – in martial arts.

Last night I found myself failing – repeatedly – in one such exercise called “stumps.” Stumps are pretty much a bunch of thick fire would stand on end that you have to walk over. This requires balance, concentration, and good footwork/stances. If you fall, you have to start over and you have to do push ups.

With the stumps, you can’t rush and get ahead of yourself. You can’t have sloppy stances or footwork. You can’t really progress to the next stump until you’ve balanced well on the stump you’re standing on. All of this I know. Even though the configuration of the stumps changes from time to time, the lessons really are the same. Yet at some point, I fail. Sometimes I fail even though the stumps haven’t changed. Sometimes I fail because I refuse to apply the above lessons to the stumps. One week I could be a master and the next week, I may not make it past the first few stumps. Though I’ve done this exercise for years and have improved much in it, I am by no means a master. Though I’ve become better at this, there are areas where I continue to fail.

Last night in class, the configuration of the stumps didn’t change once. I almost made it though to the end once – stepped on the last stump and fell! Ugh. Most of the time I got just up to the last 4 – 5 stumps and fell. Other times, I fell at or close to the beginning because I was rushing and anxious to complete the stupid course! Ugh. It was sooooo frustrating. I knew what I needed to do but did not do it and became my own worst enemy. Stumps can be fun but I wasn’t enjoying it last night – I was focused on the objective of “completion” rather than the practice of “applying what I know.”

You can’t enjoy the “now” if you’re living in the “future” – plain and simple truth, with the “stumps” as well as in life. Moreover, I think that it’s true for the Resurrected life as well. The resurrection is something that God has done, is doing, and will do – it is a reality. Our job is to be awakened to this new life of resurrection. We must be awake in order to participate in this life and to do this we must be connected intimately to the Resurrected Christ. This all sounds wonderful – and the last six months of my life with Jesus – Him deepening my faith and love – have been WONDERFUL (not always easy, but good).

However, even AFTER the Resurrection – there is still work to be done in applying it’s reality to our present, broken world. And guess what? There will be failure.

There’s a Post-Resurrection story that the Lord has brought to my mind the past couple of days. It’s the story of Peter’s encounter with the Risen Christ in John 21, specifically verses 15-25. This is the story where Jesus reconciles Peter to the new reality of the Resurrection (after Peter’s failure of denying Christ three times). Here’s the passage:

John 21: 15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

20 Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) 21 When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”

22 Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” 23 Because of this, the rumor spread among the believers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

24 This is the disciple who testifies to these things and who wrote them down. We know that his testimony is true.

25 Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.

I’ve always identified with Peter. Peter is the character who talks a lot, he’s a leader, he’s close to Jesus. Sometimes He says and does great things (walk on water, confessing Jesus as Messiah) and sometimes horribly stupid and impetuous things (chopping off an ear, denying his relationship with Jesus).

And in this story – I feel a lot like Peter today. This time in my life of renewal has been because Jesus showed up, unexpectedly, while I was out fishing. I recognized him and jumped out the boat and swam to Him. He then proceeded to feed me and then take me into my own area of weakness and/or failure…asking me over and over:

“Jason, do you love me?”

And I’d say, “YES! YES! YES! 1,000 times YES!”

And Jesus would say, “Be a servant.”

That’s a summary of my journey to this point, in a way. And I truly believe that Jesus has reoriented me around servanthood again. However, I find that this Resurrection reality is not perfectly applied by Yours Truly in the broken reality of mine.

You’d think I’d have this down by now, though. But I don’t. Being a servant is a deliberate daily choice. It is a moment-by-moment choice. Sometimes I don’t even realize when I’ve slipped back into NOT serving because it’s usually a subtle thing like is was for Peter. Look at verses 18-21. Jesus tells Peter that he’s going to die for the faith, but still says “FOLLOW ME.” Translation – you can’t avoid this, Peter. You’re going to die just like I did, so you’d better know what you’re getting yourself into. Yes, it’s the path of new and everlasting life, but it’s not always going to be easy or painless. Nevertheless, follow me…it’s ok to trust me.

In this brief episode – Jesus is telling Peter his story and connecting him to it in a deeper way. Quickly, however, Peter takes his attention off Jesus, looks over at John, and asks, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus’ answer: “What is it to you? YOU follow me.”

Why after hearing such beautiful words from Jesus does Peter need Jesus to say anything more at all, let alone something about John? Where does that come from?

This reminds me of a scene in C.S. Lewis’ “The Horse and His Boy.”

It paints a beautiful picture of redemption – of Shasta’s journey from slavery to freedom, from being owned by another to discovering his royal identity:

[Aslan to Shasta toward the end of the book – explaining the journey] – “There was only one lion … I was the lion … who forced you to join Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”

[to Shasta when he questions Aslan and asks for an explanation for Aravis’ story] – “Child,” said the Voice, “I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.”

Why after hearing such beautiful words from Aslan does Shasta need him to say anything more at all, let alone something about Aravis? Where does that come from?

I think in both the Bible story, in Chronicles of Narnia, and in my own life – despite hearing and experiencing the beauty of Resurrection life – our insecurities and imperfections lead us to lose focus, get ahead of ourselves, try to figure out the ending of the story or what God is up to in the future. And we fail. We fall off the stumps. And by “we” I mean “me.”

Paraphrasing Jesus’ response to Peter – “Trust me and stick close to me, I’ve got you both covered.” Paraphrasing Aslan’s response to Shasta was “pay attention to your own story and everything will work out.” Paraphrasing my martial arts instructor – “Apply what you already know and don’t get ahead of yourself.”

You see, Jesus already knew that none of us would get the Resurrection life down perfectly. Part of it is that we have the wrong idea of perfection and the wrong idea of a relationship with God. We won’t be perfect in our actions and we cannot earn love from God because it’s a gift.

God KNEW we’d forever need Him every step of the way – not only to overcome this broken reality – but because we are DESIGNED to be in intimacy with Him. THAT IS the goal!!! Everything else that flows out of this goal, this purpose – is just part of God’s abundant graciousness – but even that stuff is still about the love the Father has for us, the Giver, not the gift, is the focus.

For me, this means that though Jesus has asked me “Do you love me? I’ve said, “Yes!” and Jesus has responded, “SERVE” – the only way that makes any sense at all is if I remain passionately close to and in love with Jesus. When I do this, service flows naturally out of me.

If I focus on who, what, when, where, why, and how to serve – even though that’s not necessarily bad – it becomes about me figuring out things rather than following, and when that happens, it becomes about me not Jesus, rendering the servanthood Jesus is asking of me very difficult, if not impossible. It’s all too easy to move out of the Reality of the Resurrection sometimes, because it’s a subtle shift.

Subtle shifts often lead to failure in the “stumps” exercise in martial arts. When failure happens, the remedy is simple: Begin again, assess what you did wrong, apply what you know. There’s no time for pouting or kicking yourself or being frustrated – because this will keep you from learning and growing – and you’ll never complete the stumps this way. You simply must, Begin again, assess what you did wrong, apply what you know. That makes the stumps easier and more fun – because you’re taking it one-step at a time, not rushing, not being sloppy, etc. No need to rush and get anxious trying to complete the course! Simply take it a step at a time and enjoy it.

Jesus said, “I AM the RESURRECTION and the LIFE.” And He said in John 15 “I AM the VINE and you are the BRANCHES. ABIDE in me and you WILL BEAR MUCH FRUIT.” I wear a ring on my right ring finger to remind me that I can only be the Jason God wants me to be if I abide in Him and make His life my life. It’s a tangible reminder to me – though I am still growing and learning. All of my problems and failures are usually traceable back to a point when my heart stopped abiding in Christ and started to ask the question: “Lord, what about…?”

I don’t know about you, but I know that I have my list of “Lord, what about(s)?” Interestingly, the things on this list are not bad and in some sense, they’ve made it on my list AS I have followed Jesus deeply. But sometimes what I do is follow Jesus until I think that I’m smart enough to take over and say “yeah, yeah, Jesus, I’ve got it from here” – like a teenager does when they THINK they’ve learned a task from their parent and are eager to rush to apply that knowledge, only to fail. No need to do this – there is joy in the journey.

If I’ve learned anything about the Resurrection Life in the past 6 months it that I must increasingly rely on Jesus more, not less.” To fully invest in the resurrection life, I need to realize my deep dependency on abiding in Christ – MOMENT-BY-MOMENT. Not only do I need to realize it, I need to trust it and find joy in it. When I do this, everything makes sense, life flows naturally, and God – our loving Father – provides. Everything comes through prayer (intimacy with God) and I don’t want it any other way. I’ve seen God affirm this repeatedly in my life, especially the last few months. Yet, like Peter – I must stand firm with the Resurrected Christ in my heart, for He is my goal – He is my portion – He is my life. With the Resurrection life (just like with the stumps) – No need to rush and get anxious trying to complete the course! Simply take it a step at a time and enjoy it.

There is a song by Jeremy Riddle called “Full Attention” that expresses beautifully this concept of abiding.

May Your voice be louder
May Your voice be clearer
Than all the others, than all the others

May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life

Please keep my eyes fixed on You
Please root my heart so deep in You
Keep me abiding, keep me abiding
Keep me abiding that I
Oh, that I might bear fruit

May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others, than all the others

May Your light burn brighter
May Your love go deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life

Please keep my eyes fixed on You
Please root my heart so deep in You
Keep me abiding, keep me abiding
Keep me abiding that I
Oh, that I might bear fruit

Oh, the cry of my heart today and always is this song! I hope it’s your prayer today too. We’ve encountered the Risen Christ!!! He is risen indeed! Yet, we all still live in this present broken reality until we die or Jesus returns. Sometimes, we’ll fall off the stumps in big and small ways. The remedy is to return again and again to that which is LIFE – abiding in Jesus. In addition, I am reminding myself and you all that it’s only ABIDING that leads to ABUNDANCE in Christ and the life He offers to us. This is an exciting way to live – for God’s presence is amazingly peaceful and God’s provision is always perfect. No need to rush and get anxious trying to complete the course (life)! Simply take it a step at a time and enjoy it with Jesus.

Keep abiding…

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Jason

But it’s Dark and We are Afraid (no. 19)

Greetings Family and Friends!

It seems like it’s been FOREVER since I’ve blogged, yet its only been a little over two-weeks.  I’ve “missed” you online, nonetheless. It’s been a rather eventful time in my life spiritually and otherwise.  I cannot say it enough – but I LOVE Lent.  I love this time in the Christian calendar year where I get to focus deeply on my relationship with Jesus in preparation of remembering again His death and resurrection. 

As you all know, I went to Swaziland, Africa this past Spring Break (11 days).  Now that I am am back and getting situated and reoriented to Oklahoma, I thought I’d blog and share my trip with you – primarily through pictures with a little bit of commentary about some of the ways God worked and revealed things to me. 

Spiritually, because of Lent, I was really prepared for this trip and I’ve had cross-cultural mission experiences before, so in one way the trip didn’t “surprise” me in any major ways.  It was much more a time of deep affirmation – where Jesus sealed in my heart the things I deeply believe to be true about what it really means to be a Christian and joy in choosing the path that I have chosen as a man who seeks after God’s heart.

Allow me to share some pictures and thoughts with you.  I hope you experience even a small fraction of the joy and blessing that I did experiencing it myself. 

Nothing says “American Abroad” like apparel from North Face.  I actually think that it is an unwritten rule somewhere that if you are American and you travel at all – even if you’re NOT mountain climbing or doing anything outdoors – you MUST sport North Face gear.  That’s the funny thing about culture. We don’t really think too much about ours until we are outside of it, immersed in someone else’s world.  I’m forever going to believe in the value of cross-cultural experience, because very quickly it opens our eyes to so many things – things about ourselves we never would have noticed without it AND things about other cultures that are things humans all have in common as well as the beautiful diversity of different ways of doing things.

One great thing about God is that He immersed Himself in our world; God became flesh – which we call the “incarnation.”  God immersed Himself in our reality in order to love us and redeem us. He had to come to be with us, for love is revealed most in choosing to be present with the “other.”  The best way to love people is to go and be with them.  I have been and remain committed to the incarnational way of life – choosing in love to go and be present with people – whether it’s in Swaziland or in OKC.  The principle is the same.

This a picture of one amazing couple – Rev. Michaele and Brent LaVigne. They followed God’s call on their life and gave up a year of their life to GO and LIVE in Swaziland as the in-country coordinators of Bethany First Church of the Nazarene’s Swaziland Partnership.  They do an AMAZING job. They’re both uber-talented, servant-leaders, and just down-right fun people.  I want to be like them when I grow up!

What inspires me so much about them is their total, joyful abandonment of their “selves” and their marriage to the risk-taking, adventurous life in Christ. At a time when most people in their later 20’s are still living to hit the best club on the weekend, stressing about their careers and 401k’s, and family planning or degree chasing – to the point where they are trapped in the world’s way of “life” – people like Brent and Michaele have made the choice to follow Jesus’ call to give of themselves sacrificially.  The good news is that we can all choose to live this life abandoned to God – and instead of trying to control everything – we can just enjoy the adventure that God takes us on. You could end up in Swaziland; you could stay here in the USA. It’s not necessarily the location – it’s trusting and obeying the leadership of Jesus that makes life sweet.

This is a good picture of our “team” in action – and by action I mean standing around waiting to make the drive from Johannesburg, South Africa to Manzini, Swaziland.  There were 22 of us from the States who came to Africa together. Many of us didn’t know each other before the trip, or we were casual acquaintances at best for the most part.  We were diverse in age and experience. We just happened to sign up for the same mission trip.

Many people never experience the wonderful joy of sharing Christ in common – and when you do “Jesus stuff” together, a deeper kind of friendship or community is formed – strong bonds that can’t easily be broken.  Our world likes to divide people and categorize them based on age, gender, life-situation, race, nationality, etc.  Unfortunately, the Church has all-too-often bought into this “homogenous” principle under the principle that “birds of a feather flock together” and if you make Churches reflect this human principle, well, it’ll grow numerically.  The Church has called it “evangelism” and considers it “successful” because more people “show up on Sundays.” Well, I can tell you from insider experience that this is baloney and it’s one of the major mistakes/sins in modern Church history.  Instead, we should be focusing on having Christ in common, doing “Jesus-stuff” like loving the poor, the broken, and the forgotten.  That’s how authentic community really develops and that’s much more what Jesus had in mind than what we often see today in Churches of every denomination. 

Swaziland is a beautiful country and this photo doesn’t do it justice.  I was surprised at how mountainous it was. It truly is a place where God’s beauty is on display everywhere.  It’s a joy to see God’s handiwork – He is a master artist.

This is a picture of me preaching in the Sharpe Memorial Church of the Nazarene to about 800 people through a translator on the second day we were in Swaziland.  I did not find out I was going to have to preach until I arrived, so I had to scramble to come up with a sermon.  I’ve never preached with a translator before. Literally, you say one sentence, stop, wait, and the person repeats it in their language. It feels like it takes FOREVER. Plus, I can’t make cultural references or jokes or tell stories very well with people who don’t share a common culture! It’s interesting!  What’s funny is that since I don’t know Siswati – I have no idea what this guy was saying.  He could be making things up, changing my words based on His interpretation, or saying “this white guy from America has no idea what he’s talking about.”

It’s good to be put in uncomfortable situations.  We American’s tend to avoid discomfort like the Bubonic Plague. When we do so, we miss out on wonderful experiences.  When Christians do so, they miss out on the experience of God’s provision – you can’t know or experience God’s “strength being made perfect in your weakness” until you really are confronted with your own weakness.  Though I am a talker and very comfortable preaching, this particular experience made me really rely on God and trust Him to provide.  God is not impressed with my talents and abilities. God loves it when I come to Him and rely on Him for strength.  He likes to do things with us and for us.  It’s a blessing to experience this.

This is a picture from our day with the HIV/AIDS Task Force – which really is a group of women who are committed to go around house to house in local communities to be a loving presence with people who are rejected and forgotten, some because of the disease.  They bring food and supplies – but more than anything, their presence communicates the love of Christ.  The woman in this picture is name Phumzilele.  She is my age. She has AIDS and TB.  The medication for the TB has made her blind and is affecting her hearing as well.  She can’t do much but stay inside her little house everyday.  She was sad because she can’t see her children anymore.  Her husband also left her when he found out she had AIDS – and for years has never returned (he could be dead from the disease himself).

My heart broke for Phumzilele.  We brought her supplies, we prayed for her, and we stood around her and sang “Jesus Loves Me” in SiSwati.  I’ve never experienced the depth of the words to that song the way I did on that day.  To her, our presence was a real blessing, it was very significant to her – and we didn’t do very much. But, she was praising Jesus and sooooo thankful just because we showed up. She viewed us assign of God’s love.  I understand Jesus’ words “blessed are the poor” in a different way now. They have so little by way of this world, but their eyes are opened to the blessings of God – and they see so much as blessings directly from God.  We who have much take everything for granted, we miss out on God’s blessings not because He doesn’t give them, it’s because we don’t recognize them as such.  This experience taught me to be grateful in new ways.

This is a picture of our mini-team for the day with the amazing women of the HIV/AIDS Task Force who selflessly continue to give their lives day in and day out to the “least of these.”  They’re also a good example of women in leadership.  The women in Swaziland are strong and compassionate – the men there by-and-large need to step it up.  That’s kind of like America too, though…

One of the greatest joys of mission trips are the encounters with the children…and on this trip, we had many, many opportunities to spend time with kids in formal and informal settings. These kids were fascinated by us and if we were standing around, they would come up to us and want to be near us.  On this day, we’d already done a school assembly VBS where we sang all sorts of songs with motions – like “Deep and Wide” and “Peace Like a River” and “Lord, I Lift Your Name on High.”  The kids love songs with motions.  But they always want to learn MORE.  So, after having run out of religious songs with motions, we taught them the Macarena – this is a picture of us doing the Macarena for an impromptu gathering of children.  I don’t know if I should feel some religious/cultural guilt about that or not…

Again, Jesus’ words “let the little children come to me” took on a more profound meaning than before. I love kids and enjoy spending time with them and playing with them.  I have never felt the “press of crowds of kids” all rushing to get close to me, to shake my hand, to learn a song… to wait for me to look at them in the eye and smile at them like it’s the greatest gift in the world. There is so much wonder and joy in them.  It’s no mystery that God would want us to approach Him like this – with childlike faith.

This is one of the many Swazi people that I met while building the new Church of the Nazarene in Ndubazi.  He was a local Youth Leader for another church close by, but came to help build the church here.  There is a lot of that community spirit and cooperation among people and churches in Swaziland.  It’s rather refreshing. 

This is a good picture of the new church building and the workforce at Ndubazi.  That little sketchy looking shed-like structure next to the new building is the OLD Ndubazi Church.  It was made out of something like dry wall and some old sheet metal.  It was small. It was like an oven in the African heat. But the people there were happy to have that little shed…and overjoyed that God was providing them this new building.  And we think that we have to have pretty light shows and fog machines or expensive organs and choir robes to have church. Tis not so.

On our last day in Africa, we went to Kruger Park which is one of the biggest wildlife reserves in the world.  Basically, all the animals run free and people pay money to go into the park and hope to catch a glimpse of them. It’s hardest to find any of the “BIG Cats” – because they hunt at night and really don’t prefer to be around people.  We got up at 4am to go on our Safari in the back of an open-air truck.  We saw elephants, hyenas, giraffes, crocodiles, rhinos, and tons of cool birds on the trip. But – for a long time, no BIG Cats.  This is a huge disappointment for people – to pay money, get up early, and then not see the coolest animals in the park.

Just as we were about to wrap up our little Safari trip…and everyone was disappointed that we saw no Big Cats, I started praying.  I said, “Jesus, I know this is a small thing. But I know you care about us and it’s not too difficult for you. I’d really appreciate it if you’d let us see a Lion before we leave the park.”  And a just few moments later – well, you see the picture.  Instead of thinking that God wouldn’t care about little details, I was challenged in my Spirit to remember that God is both a loving Father and Passionate Lover.  As I have done in the past – I just simply asked for what we wanted and God provided. It’s not like this happens all the time or I can control God or something – but I have learned and continue to grow in going to God in prayer for everything…Asking, Seeking, Knocking.  I think God enjoys this from me and I know I love it when God answers prayers and shows me that He loves me.

This is a picture of some of the amazing people I got to know more deeply on this trip.  We share a bond in Christ because of our time together. I’m always amazed how serving others together creates lasting friendships.  Each of these people ministered to me in one way or another and inspired me to love God and love others.  I see Christ in each of them…and when I think of them, I know how blessed I am to know them.  I thank God every time I remember them.

This is perhaps my favorite picture of all – and I didn’t even know my friend John was taking the picture.  The children in this picture are special to me because I got to know them while working on the Ndubazi Church. While all the kids in Swaziland are great – I truly developed a bond with these ones because of the face to face time I got to spend with them.  We actually bonded over singing Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” – which they all new by heart somehow – playing games like tag and keep-away, and them gathering around me one night to try to teach me words in SiSwati. 

My friend John took this picture as we were walking a quarter of a mile or so up from the worksite to the local school to watch the Jesus film.  I invited a couple of the kids that were there and we had to go…they proceeded to go and round up all the others and they followed me up the hill to the school like I was their dad. 

After the film, it was dark and late. All the other kids were heading home, but these kids lived far away.  As the team was loading up, I noticed that my little group of Ndubazi kids (11 of them) were following me everywhere I went (there were about 400 kids/people of all ages at the film showing – all running around).  It’s very common for kids to have no adult supervision of any kind most of the time in Swaziland.  They simply approach childhood differently than we do.  Anyway, as all the other children were running off to their homes with their gifts that we gave them, I noticed the Ndubazi kids weren’t leaving.  So, I asked them if they were going to go home like the other children (for they were always coming an going on their own). 

One of the little girls said to me, very sincerely:

“We want to go home. But it is dark and we are afraid.”

You have to understand that in Africa, there are a lot of very real dangers for children. Not only are there wild animals and snakes, dark roads and winding paths, children are very vulnerable to “adult predators” too in this culture of superstition, poverty, and disease.  These children had many legitimate reasons to be afraid to walk home in the dark. 

And it struck me and affected me deeply me that in such a short time they had bonded to me and come to trust me and believed that I would get them home safely.  So, even though the whole team was exhausted and ready to go home – I was not going to abandon those kids. I was going to make sure they made it home. We piled them into as Pastor’s car and drove them home safely. 

And it made me think about the reason why Christians “go into all the world, teaching about Jesus, making disciples.”  It’s because the world is harsh, dangerous, unloving in many ways.  It’s because life is hard, people get hurt, and the least of these are cast off as unimportant.  It’s because in many ways, the light has gone out, the path is treacherous, and people have lost the way.  We go because we love God. We go because we love others.  We go because we’re simply following our example, our Savior, Jesus Christ.

John 1:1-14 says,

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all people. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

    ⁶ There was a man sent from God whose name was John. ⁷ He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. ⁸ He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

    ⁹ The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. ¹⁰ He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. ¹¹ He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹² Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

    ¹⁴ The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only [Son], who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 3:16-17 says,

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

The whole thing is about LOVE.  God’s love for us. Our love for God. Sharing God’s love with each other.  In the Christian understanding – LOVE is much more than a noun, it is a verb.  We love because God first loved us. Love is not just a concept in our heads – it means being the hands and feet of Jesus. It means being present in people’s lives.  It means giving of oneself for others. This is the abundant life and the life I choose to live. I hope and pray you all experience this and choose this life too!

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Jason

Believing IS Seeing (no.18)

Greetings Family and Friends! 

Tomorrow morning at this time (5am) I will be arriving at Will Rogers international in Oklahoma City airport to embark on an 11-day trip to Swaziland, Africa.  This has been an incredible year for me – including a trip to Italy and now Africa.  In-between these two significant trips/markers is a whole lot of spiritual renewal and growth.

Most of you know that I am not a true morning person.  It probably surprises you that I am up at 5am on a day when I do not have to be up so early.   I had no idea up until this morning what in the world I was going to write about to you all today.  Usually I have some inclination as to the direction, if not most of the blog/thoughts in my head when I sit down. Last night I went to sleep thinking, “Well, maybe I’ll just tell them about Swaziland and leave it at that.”

Perhaps some of you will understand when I say that God inspired me in my sleep and that inspiration is what has me up so early writing you.  I’ve actually been awake for awhile as I’ve tried to download into words in my head the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.  

Let’s begin with Swaziland.  It is a tiny country located within the borders of South Africa, so small that if you didn’t know where to look you’d have a hard time seeing it on a map. Yet, this little kingdom has the highest AIDS infection percentage rate in the world at around 42%.  Since 1992, life expectancy has dropped from 59 to 31. By the year 2012, the country will have over 200,000 orphans – in a country of about 1,000,000 people – 1/5 of the population. 

I am excited about this trip yet sobered by the reality of the situation. In all honesty, there is a part of me that is scared of what I will see and how it will affect me – and the comfortable illusions about the world, human life, and my self that I have so blindly accepted as reality.  I’ve always had a sense that going to Africa would affect me in a profound way.  For as you can see with these Imitation of Christ blogs, when my “eyes are opened” – my actions follow, my life changes – because once I not only see with my eyes but with my eyes and my heart, well, I must adjust my life accordingly or else I will feel like I am being dishonest or hypocritical.  I’m just not quite sure what holding an orphan baby infected by AIDS – knowing there are thousands upon thousands like her – is going to do to my psyche and my soul, my head and my heart.

Brandon Heath has a Christian song called “Give Me Your Eyes” and the chorus goes like this:

Give me your eyes for just one second/Give me your eyes so I can see/Everything that I keep missing/Give me your love for humanity/Give me your arms for the broken hearted/Ones that are far beyond my reach/Give me your heart for the ones forgotten/Give me your eyes so I can see.

It’s a powerful song and an appropriate way to think about our own self-focused, blind, murky, confusing, and illusory “sight” versus God’s pure, vivid, clear, and truthful sight.  This song is a dangerous prayer to pray.  We have to ask ourselves – do we really mean it? Do we really want “sight” like God’s? 

Think of how absolutely life altering this would actually be. I think that most of us think that we long to be able to see things – EVERYTHING – like God does so that we can have His heart and mind towards whatever we are looking at, be it orphans in Africa or the people I see at McDonalds or our own family members. 

God’s sight is revolutionary and it would in some ways – ultimately GOOD ways – would turn our little blind worlds upside down.  This is scary to almost every human being I know, self-included.  Even though God is good and gives good gifts to His beloved children, we also know that His sight will change us profoundly – move us from selfishness to selflessness, disrupt our comfortable existence, and require us to choose to adjust to Him completely – or “go away sad” like the rich young ruler in the Bible (Matthew 19:16-30; Mark 10:17-31; Luke 18:18-30). 

For those of us who don’t “see” as God sees, things seem impossible like they did to the rich young ruler and the disciples in the story. The only way forward with Jesus, though, is to “see” as God sees.  If we see things as God sees things, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE, as the story says.

How much are we like the rich young ruler? He was very religious and truly desired to have the abundant and eternal kind of life Jesus offered.  However, when faced with the realization that that meant he would have to let go of everything he was holding on to of this life, he chose to cling to the temporary and unsatisfying things he had accumulated on his own. He held on to his self-security and self-sufficiency.  He could not trust Jesus. He went away sad – though he had an opportunity to take hold of the very thing his heart desired.

I know that I have too often been like the rich young ruler, focused on my fear and not like Jesus – who essentially says “believe and you shall receive everything and then some.” It’s a question of trust in God’s goodness; it’s a question of moving from our human blindness to God’s sight. 

Sight is actually a major theme in Jesus’ teachings.  Usually, the story goes that the people who think they have sight are actually blind (metaphorically) to everything – while people who are blind (literally) BELIEVE Jesus can give them sight (literally) and then they end up seeing – literally and metaphorically – the truth of God’s abundant life that comes through Jesus.

Herein lies the way to the abundant life with God…

BELIEVING IS SEEING! 

Not the other way around. 

As humans, we trust our own sight (perspective) so much that we are constantly going to God with issues and saying “I don’t see it. I don’t believe you. Prove it.”  This is motivated out of fear.  And God knows that fear is the problem – not “lack of information.”  So God’s way forward is not to give us information alone – though He does do that – God says to us:

BELIEVE.

TRUST ME. 

I LOVE YOU AND GIVE GOOD GIFTS TO MY CHILDREN.

TASTE AND SEE THAT I, THE LORD, AM GOOD.

BELIEVING IS SEEING!

For us, the future seems frightening because we do not know what it holds. We cannot see. We can look back on the past and see and we can see the present reality we are experiencing (though sinfulness still limits our true understanding of both past and present).  But the future? That’s the great unknown we can never predict, try as we might. That’s why people are so fascinated with End Times prophecies and Ghost Story shows, etc.

Humans are anxious about the future and everything within us wants to find a way to CONTROL that anxiety.  Enter the “What Ifs”.  What if I make a mistake? What if I pick the wrong path? What if I get hurt?  What if I stumble and fall?  What if I lose something/someone I value?  What if I suffer? What if I’m not good enough, smart enough, and capable enough? What if I don’t get what I want? What if I do? What if God doesn’t give me the desires of my heart? What if He does?  

Like insurance companies we engage in risk management – which is really just risk aversion. Anything that would lead to potential failure is weighed, valued, and given a price. Then we determine if we want to pay the price. The greater the risk – say, like the rich young ruler’s risk – the less likely we are to choose to trust, because we’re afraid of the potential price tag (failure).  

So, I may trust God enough to take a mission trip to Mexico, because that is safe enough for me.  However, if God actually called me to be a missionary to Mexico – well, I am not so sure about that…

We do this with everything.  Until we trust God’s “sight” – His good character & His knowledge of everything – we will opt out of the “dangerous” things. The problem is – we all know that the BIGGER THE RISK, THE BIGGER THE REWARD.  This is a well established principle – in business and in everyday life.  The people who truly go for it – experience abundant joy.

 This is why so many people are unhappy.  Everything good in life is based on love (for God, for others) in some form or fashion.  Risk (vulnerability) is absolutely necessary for love (and thus joy).

Most people won’t even take the risk to let people know they are Christians, for example. Therefore, they will NEVER KNOW the joy of leading someone to Christ. Moreover, they will NEVER EXPERENCE the joy of God’s help in the process. So sad! And we do this all of the time in big and small ways…

The devotional prayer book that I’m using in the mornings (Celtic Daily Prayer: Prayers and Readings from the Northumbria Community) has been addressing these very issues this week – which is providential given the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in writing today’s blog.

Here are some words I’ve found very helpful in this week’s scriptures and readings in dealing with the What Ifs & Risk Aversion lifestyles:

• O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me…You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of anointing on my head…I can never escape from your Spirit. I can never get away from your presence (from Psalm 139:1,5,7)
• Beneath us are the Everlasting Arms – and they bear the print of nails.  No matter how far I have sunk, He descends to lift me up. He has plumbed all the hells of this world that He may lift us upwards. He is our firm support.
• ‘I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, to give you a future and a hope’ (Jeremiah 29:11).  God can take the events of the past and weave them so skillfully into a new plan for us that not only do we find there is a future for us after all, but it is as if there have been no wasted years.
• He forever goes before to prepare a place for us.  He is on the road we tread. Wherever life is leading us, He has gone before.  Perhaps we have no clue about what lies ahead; we know WHO is ahead of us, so the future is not quite unknown.
• The future is not a foregone conclusion. When we give God permission to intervene and bring about His will in us, still again and again He offers us choices…this is so that we can create though our choices, enabling Him to bring into being things H had long ago planned for us. He constantly plans for me in love…
• Then you will call; and the Lord will answer. You will cry, and He will say “Here I am” (heneni). You will cry, and He will say, “Here I am” (heneni). You will be called Repairer of Broken Walls. Restorer of Streets with Dwelling. You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. (from Isaiah 58)
• Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails…Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (I Cor. 13:4-8a, 12).

Now, I ask you as I ask myself each and everyday in prayer and meditation – with a loving God like that, which path in life is riskier? Which path is more insecure? Which path makes you more vulnerable? 

EXACTLY. 

Life with God – the life with God’s sight, in God’s love – this is the only way to abundance.  The fearful, What If, risk aversion life – this life is unmasked as an illusion of security.  It’s actually the most insecure route to take, the most risky, because in the end – you’ll be very unhappy with the consequences of this choice, you will go away sad – life without the depths of joy.

That’s why God is so insistent that we choose His sight over our “sight.” That’s why God is so persistent in pursuing us with His love and asking us to choose love. The Bible says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (I John 4:18).

BELIEVING IS SEEING.

We have to begin trusting God’s “sight” (His character, grace, power, knowledge, love) right now.  That means getting to know what it is and conforming our lives to its reality. 

What I have discovered in the now EIGHTEEN WEEKS that I have been writing again on this weekly “Of the Imitation of Christ” devotional blog is that PRAYER is more than talking, more than listening – PRAYER IS SEEING. 

For months now, my prayer life has been deepening with each passing week.  As part of my Lenten commitment, I’m spending multiple hours a day in prayer with God (I’m that stubborn and self-sufficient).  I’ve discovered that in order to truly follow God’s leadership, I need at least an hour of prayer in the morning to be “filled up” with His sight (and love).  

GOD guides STEP by STEP – rarely have I found that He just dumps a whole plan/path on to you and says, “Here is everything, from start to finish.”  Sometimes it feels like we would want to know that plan – however, how would we ever learn to trust, to believe, to love God that way?  God gives us enough light to take a step or two or three – but never so much that we stop listening and depending on His sight to light our path. 

So, God fills me up and I am able to discern (see) some things I need to do that day with Him and for Him. Also, I am very sensitive to God’s moment by moment presence and guidance, sometimes He just opens a door or calls me to prayer and I know I must take that steps. I end up practicing His presence as much as I can throughout the day to keep on following or when I feel like I’m starting to lead (and stumbling all over myself).

Life with God is like a DANCE.  I would caution you as I caution myself… Don’t try to figure out God’s rhythm on your own; don’t stand around counting the beat and getting all mechanical and awkward. Let God lead you through the dance. Don’t go into the dance with God predetermining for Him the steps – so don’t try to “Waltz” with God when He wants to “Two-Step” with you.

Don’t be self-conscious/insecure about your dancing ability. You are partner dancing with the Best Dancer in the Universe, trust me, He’ll make you look good – like you know what you’re doing. You’ll learn the steps – which are varied – because God is fun like that. Just let God lead and you’ll figure out the dance steps soon enough…

God’s dances go back and forth between “STEP” and “WAIT” – but it’s all part of the dancing.

Sometimes God wants to “Fox Trot” with you – and the movement will go like this: “WAIT, WAIT, STEP STEP…WAIT, WAIT, STEP STEP…” Reverse this an you’re Two-Stepping with God – “STEP STEP, WAIT, WAIT…STEP STEP, WAIT, WAIT…”

God may ask you to Waltz with Him – “STEP, STEP, WAIT…STEP, STEP WAIT…”

You may even find yourself in a Cha-Cha with Him – “WAIT, WAIT, STEP STEP STEP…WAIT, WAIT, STEP STEP STEP…”

Every once in a while there’s an intermission, a time-out, a break where the music stops. Simply relax and enjoy God’s company…for the dancing will resume again really soon!

You get the picture.  It’s simply a good (and fun) idea to follow – but you have to get out on the dance floor with God, let Him pick the rhythm, and go with it.

I’VE DANCED a lot with God in my life. I think I’ve truly grown as a dance partner (follower) in the past six months.  As I’ve said before, I am stubborn, self-sufficient, and I tend to think I make smart decisions all by myself.  I’m probably one of God’s problem children, which is why I need so much time in prayer to “see” as He sees. 

Look back on just the 18 WEEKS that I’ve been writing you again (which in itself, was a STEP).  You will be able to discern much of how God asked me to dance with Him again (e.g. posts #1, #5). You will see the “STEPS” and the “WAITS” of this dance – and the love & joy of it all.

You will also see how I have come to the awareness that my eyes are open.  I am seeing as God sees – more vividly, more clearly, more holistically – than perhaps ever before in my life.  I feel like the man born blind in John 9 – amazed, and saying, “One thing I know, I was blind, but now I see.”  It’s not that I didn’t see anything before. I’ve certainly had moments of clarity and I don’t think that my vision was always poor.  In some ways, because of selfishness, pride, insecurity, fears, past wounds, etc… My vision was definitely limited. So, the Lord asked me to dance – to BELIEVE, so that I might truly SEE.  Not only have I noticed this awakening, I believe you have as well, as have others who watch me on a daily basis and tell me they see a difference.  I am learning new steps and relearning old ones.  I am a better follower.  It is changing me, purifying me in so many ways because so much of what I know in my head is being deeply integrated into my heart.

Even though it is difficult and at times I am not sure I’m dancing so well to the beats of honesty, humility, vulnerability, reconciliation, covenant, joy, etc…

I am sure that I never want to stop dancing with God like this.  God’s sight is so much superior to mine. And God is the best dance leader in the universe! 

Even though it seems risky and frightening to truly open my eyes and see Swaziland, see the world, see others, see myself through God’s eyes – I’m going to do it anyway for it really is the only way.  What other choice do I have? What other choice do I want? There is none but Jesus. He is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE.

BELIEVING IS SEEING.

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Jason

Well THAT was Disappointing… (no.17)

Greetings Family and Friends!

It’s already been a very interesting, good week and we’re only halfway through.  My time alone with God in prayer and reflection has been good. As usual, I am thinking deeply about things, but in a good way.  I feel filled up with the Holy Spirit most of the time so I feel like my ability to “see” clearly the things in my life is perhaps at an all time high.  God is good. All the time…and all the time, God is good.  But – sometimes the TIMES are not so good themselves, are they?

It’s when the circumstances don’t add up to us saying “God is good…all the time…and all the time, God is good. That most of us, including myself, get derailed.  More than getting derailed – it keeps us from the abundant life and spiritual maturity. 

Paul says to the Thessalonians, in I Thessalonians 5: ¹⁶Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  These are commands, not suggestions – but not harsh commands. Paul is telling the Thessalonians that they can take control of their lives by living a certain way.  Joyful. Prayerful. Grateful.  

Let’s be clear about something at the outset: It’s this three part WAY of LIFE that is God’s will for us in Christ Jesus – not the circumstances. This verse has been misinterpreted by many to say that all circumstances are from God. Not so. Some people have a deterministic way of looking at the world where everything that happens is God’s active will, or decision.  If we view life this way, then we might as well not do anything, because nothing would matter at all.  If everything is determined, nothing I do matters/makes a difference, and all circumstances are from God – well, that would be disappointing. That would lead to an attitude of resignation.  

Paul’s commands – especially in light of the entire Bible – imply that we have a choice to make in how we live life.  And not only that, the way that we choose to live will directly affect both the quality of our life and our spiritual maturity (i.e., “in Christ Jesus”). Therefore, we can choose, we must choose to live a joyful, prayerful, and grateful life.  It’s a way of life and it has obvious effects for the positive.

I am a reality TV fan. Almost any reality TV show fascinates me. To me it’s much better than the scripted and predictable sit-com formula of 1) dumb but lovable dad, 2) smart but uptight mom, 3) insane in-laws, and 4) troublemaking but innocent kids.  BORING! That’s why the Simpsons, Family Guy, and American Dad cartoons are so popular – they brutally satirize this lame sit com formula. In general, I am ALL about satire – but that’s for another devotional…

Here’s the thing – it’s not the “reality” which isn’t really real at all that fascinates me.  I know shows are produced and edited and all sorts of behind the scenes things happen.  But the shows are unscripted – so they’re like a huge social experiment. You put regular people together surrounded by cameras 24/7 and you put them in awkward and/or amazing circumstances and then say “action” – well, that’s fun to me. Why? People are endlessly fascinating to me. I like to people watch – to see how people act & react, to study human behavior, to try to figure out “what in the world is going on inside that person that would make them do THAT!” Plus, you really can’t “hide” crazy.  Crazy is going to come out – one way or another – and when it does. I’ll be on the couch with a bag of popcorn laughing and then I’ll talk about it and laugh with people the next day.  It brings joy to people! Haha

And now I will willingly surrender my man card… 

I don’t watch every season, but I’ve watched a fair amount of the Bachelor and a few Bachelorette seasons. The Bachelor is always more entertaining to me because it’s 25 women fighting over one guy, more dramatic for sure.  Plus, I am a guy and I analyze the show from the “What would I do if I were him, perspective?”  Some of you have told me to try out for this show, and while I think I could have fun being on TV in front of America, I have decided I’d make a horrible bachelor.  First, I don’t like multiple-person dating and the whole show would feel like cheating to me – and in front of America! Where’s the personal/private/natural side to that?  Second, I’d probably figure out which girls were crazy quickly and try to have spiritual conversations with them. Third, I’d probably want to narrow down the field to at least the Top 3 I’d actually be interested in knowing after the first episode and would have a hard time faking dates with people – couldn’t lead people on/use them intentionally. Fourth, I think physicality is much more sacred than the show portrays – so no random making out, over night dates, hot tub scenes, rolling around in the sand, and basically developing physical relationships with multiple women at once (while they all feel unique), Fifth, I would be too self-aware, I know IT’S NOT LOVE, it’s just ATTRACTION. You cannot fall in love in a fake environment where the best of everything on every date is yours. You could fall in “interest” – “I’d like to get to know you in the real world.” But, come on! Love? Not by my definition.  Love’s an important word and I just can’t cheapen it.  So not doing the show…But will watch other people go on and summarily do all those things I mentioned I wouldn’t, thinking – “Why would they do THAT!”

There were two girls on this season that I liked from episode 1. Ali and Tenley. Both made it to the final four (Ali chose to leave on her own to save her job – though she’s the new bachelorette). Tenley made it to the final two. She’s the quintessential “wife material” stereotype many people think of (though not all). Kindhearted, family oriented, classically pretty, sweet disposition, obviously a Christian, and joyful.  The side story there is that she was married and hr husband cheated on her and left her.  Doing this show was a big risk for her as she forayed back into the whole “love” realm for the first time.  I’m not sure it was the right timing for such a step, but I respect the risk she took in choosing this adventure.  Throughout the entire show, we got to see more and more of her character.  She was consistent. She kept falling more for the bachelor, but kept clearly trying to define and make the relationship “progress” in as emotionally healthy manner as possible. 

The bachelor was named Jake and he was billed as the “nice guy who finishes last.”  I could see some of this in him, though a number of his words and actions made me think there was truly more to his story than the poor nice guy who never got the girl. In the end, the girl he chose was the girl that all of the other girls in the house as well as all of America, thought was the most immature, petty, selfish (among other things)  – Vienna.  He did this because, in my paraphrased summary of Jake’s words, because of lust ( we have amazing “ physical chemistry”) and immaturity (“she makes me feel like a kid”).  If you want to understand why Jake made this choice, read my now prophetic post from a couple weeks ago called “Because Girls like Jerks and Gentlemen Prefer [Dumb] Blonds, That’s Why!”

Tenley did not make him “feel” those things. He “put her on a pedestal”  and the physical passion was “coming slowly” (this after many passionate/physical moments, including an overnight stay – yeah, no “passion” – not too hard to figure out what that really means…)

In bachelor tradition – he rejects Tenley with a bunch of pseudo-kind words that only serve to make the situation more confusing and worse.  But, and I cannot overstate this – she responded with a level of class and character to his rejection (and stupidity) that I’ve never seen before from a person on a reality TV show.  In total vulnerability and honesty, she told him how she’d felt about him. Thanked him for the way that he made her feel, the way that he restores her confidence and self worth, and the opportunity to get to know someone like him made her hopeful for the future.  So, even in her sadness, she was joyful and grateful (I assume that she was prayerful throughout b/c that’s the source of strength).  If you don’t believe me, watch the final part where he rejects her.  I thought she was a nice, good girl throughout. But that actually upped my admiration/respect for her.  Being joyful and grateful in a negative circumstance like that takes serious, long-developed character.  It can’t be faked. It was real.

Character always inspires me and I always try to tell people when I recognize it. So this reality TV finale kind of sent me off into a reflective mood. What was it that I didn’t like about Jake? What really deepened my respect for Tenley?  It came down to the gratitude/ingratitude issue.

Here was Jake, the “nice guy who finishes” last with an amazing opportunity to pick a woman with real character (and indeed, other women on the show were better than his final pick) – and he picks the absolute worst pick for the worst reasons.  So, I’m offended by this like its an injustice – HOW could he have EVERYTHING stacked in his favor and he STILL manage to blow it so badly? He obviously got derailed from his original stated plan to find a wife somewhere along the way and got sucked back into a life of silly attractions. HOW UNGRATEFUL! 

Contrast that with Tenley – who as I said modeled and spoke pure gratitude to the end. She didn’t get what she wanted, the circumstance did not work out for her, she was broken, but she still chose to be grateful.  

But, as I said, this put me in a self-reflective mode. I’m sitting there, mad at Jake for such ingratitude for his good fortune and impressed by Tenley’s gratefulness in defeat  – and I ask my self this question:

“Am I really any better than Jake?”

Now, I KNOW I’d handle the bachelor better than him – even if the low ratings from my show would threaten to bring down the series.  Tenley was a no-brainer choice.  But, I wasn’t just thinking about love – though it did make me twinge with a little regret over my bad choices there…I considered these types of questions:

In what ways have I been so very blessed only to focus on what I did not have?

When I do not get what I want when I want it, am I still a gracious & grateful person?

If others were watching my life as a TV show, would they think the way that I am living and treating others, situations right now as “grateful” or “ungrateful?”

Would others be angry with me because they believe my actions/words are inconsistent with the Christlike character I’ve worked to develop?

Am I always looking for the next best thing – in any or every areas (work, family, friends, and relationships) – so much so that I am not content with the life that I possess NOW in the PRESENT?  

Am I afraid of missing out on something that I can’t enjoy what I have?

Has an attitude of ingratitude actually made me incapable of seeing the good in my life and ways that God was and was wanting to bless me?

Do others think of me as a giver or a taker? What do I think of myself? Am I selfish of selfless?

Have I fundamentally and regularly cultivated the joyful, prayerful, and grateful life in Christ?

In this whole time of spiritual renewal, brought on by concepts of reconciliation, vulnerability and covenant – I’ve come to understand that it’s not so much that I was ever a really bad, sinful person – though I know I made some dumb choices and inadvertently hurt others during the time.  How did this happen to someone who never stopped living for Christ, but found themselves in the desert? Why did I feel like I was in the desert so long? Did I keep myself there longer than necessary somehow?

I’m not sure I’ll ever have an answer as to how much of the desert was God leading me there to prepare to grow me and how much was because of my own stubbornness. The answer is both – but I believe fully that God did what God does as “He works all things together for good for those who love Him.”

A piece of my character that need more developing was gratitude. My mind I strategic, future looking, and I like to make decisions NOW.  That’s just some of my main strengths.  I’ve learned over time that our greatest strengths are also our greatest weaknesses in the wrong context.  When it comes to being grateful and trusting the Lord – my strategic, futuristic, activator (doer) personality is “possibility focused” and not “present focused.”  Thus, without deep, deep prayer – I can get frustrated by what IS NOT in my life, my ob, my church, my situations. In short, my strengths can lead me to be ungrateful. 

Also, my past wounds – especially the “father wound” and the “divorce wound” – can lead me to be ungrateful. I have so, so, so, so many good things/people in my life.  God has healed these wounds, but there are and always will be scars there. Sometimes, circumstances “hit” the scars and it’s painful – and I’m reminder of some things I long for that I do not have in my time and my way, and can think, in my worst moments that God is holding out. Rather than being thankful, GRATEFUL, for the many things I have and enjoy, I get tunnel vision on what’s not there in my life.  My wounds make me ungrateful at times.

So, do I have any right to really be mad at Jake for his ingratitude? Not really. That’s just projection on some level – for this time of renewal in my life is also a time of honesty and confession – and I KNOW where and how I’ve been ungrateful and I regret it.  Rather than focusing on other people’s ingratitude, I should take Tenley’s route and choose to be grateful in all circumstances. 

I can, I have, and I will choose to live a JOYFUL, PRAYERFUL, AND GRATEFUL LIFE IN CHRIST.  

I’ve always had a passionate love relationship with Jesus – and the way forward is to build on the solid foundation that already there.  Yes, I needed to grow – profoundly in some ways – but I had already cultivated a relationship with Jesus to build on. My strength comes from my time with Him and I’m spending a lot of time with Him again – in many ways, and I can tell its changed/renewed/deepened me.  And I only want MORE. A LOT MORE. But I am also thankful for all He’s done so far…

This gratitude thing is a big deal to God – and it makes a huge difference in our lives. I wake up thankful.  I thank God when something good happens. I ask God to remind me of good things in the midst of difficult circumstances. I go to bed at night recounting the things I’m grateful for, confessing any lack of gratitude, then moving on to peaceful sleep – ready to choose joy, pray, and gratitude the next day.

I challenge you to ask yourself those questions I asked myself above (after the bachelor finale).  Are you a grateful or ungrateful person?  Or simply – right now in your life, in what ways do you need to grow in gratitude?  Is some type of ingratitude holding you back from God’s best? Don’t you want to cultivate a joyful, prayerful, and grateful life in Christ?  I can assure you – on so many levels – it’s the key to the truly good life and it’s definitely worth it! 

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Jason

Snake Bite Training (no.16)

Greetings Family and Friends! I hope that this devotional message finds you all firmly in the center of God’s love.  Use all you’ve got to stay there!  Sometimes the road ahead gets a little bumpy. 

I’ve been in a writing mood since 6pm (Tuesday).  So now that I am back from my 2x-day, 2 day a week trek to the land up North (Edmond) for martial arts – I’m writing this devotional tonight, or at last beginning it tonight.  When the mood hits – my mind can focus on little else, as evidenced by my furrowed brow, less verbal communication, and my inattentiveness to the present moment.  In short, I zone out and think about the words in my head (not the voices) ha.

The good news is – I leave for Swaziland (Africa) in three weeks.  The bad news is that I just found out that I have a 6pm meeting Wednesday night with the team doctor because all team leaders need “snake bite training.”  The primary snake to fear in Swaziland is the Black Mamba – whose bite is almost 100% deadly without anti-venom.  And if it gets hold of you good on the first bite, there may not be enough time to get you to a clinic for this anti-venom. All of our teams have encountered snakes on their trips, though thankfully no one has been bitten.

Great. That’s the kind of thing one doesn’t want to think about when heading to Africa.  But, it is a reality that we cannot ignore. 

The truth is that it’s something that we have to prepare for, even though you never know when it might happen. When it happens it is always a surprise. Hence the phrase:”snake bit” used like “That whole situation came out of nowhere and snake bit me” or “I was snake bit by her breakup letter.”  It’s always a surprise and it’s always painful.

This weekend, our church has been hit with the reality of death and the true insecurity of life again.

We’ve been snake bit – some worse than others.  As most of you know, I preached in Church this Sunday and I felt going into it that God was speaking to me, so those are usually the sermons where he speaks best to others.  I think that it was a good day, as we all experienced the true purpose of LENT – faith renewal through (1) intimacy with God (2) dying to self and (3) resurrection hope (should be online soon…I’ll keep ya posted). 

The last point/section of the sermon, I made a strong stand for the tenet in the Christian faith that there is no death – physical or metaphorical – in the Kingdom of God that is NOT followed by resurrection.  So, even in the tough times, we “sing the alleluias” (keep praising, keep praying, keep hoping, keep trusting) the Lord no matter if you lost a loved one, you’re in the dark about your future, or God seems distant.  If we can’t sing the alleluias ourselves…we rely on those around us in the Christian community to sing for us until we can join in the chorus again. We are to never lose hope. Ultimately our hope increases our faith.   

That very afternoon, we were snake bit. 

We found out that one of our 9^th grade high school students had died that very morning in a tragic accident.  Worship ended in hope. Life stepped in immediately and countered with a death blow.  And so it goes.

Death – especially to one so young, innocent, and full of life – is always a slap in the face to our illusions of security and permanence.   This is especially terrible to the boy’s family and close friends.  It’s very hard for my close friends who had him in their youth ministry. Speaking as former youth pastor, those kids are like your own kids – as you invest your life in their life to help them grow in faith and maturity, to know and be shaped by the love of God.  Losing a student is the closest thing they will face to losing one of their own kids.  It’s not easy for them.

We live life with a kind of “practical” immortality.  We sort of know in our heads that we will die, that death still affects our world somehow – but NOT us – like we are somehow immune from it in some way.  Death is something we see on the news or in the movies or the lives of other people.  And then one day as we are moving along down the trail of life – death touches us. And we’re surprised by its reality, its power, its ability to get close to us, and its pain. 

Jesus faced death often. One time, however, it snake bit him too. Jesus was away doing Jesus stuff and his good friend Lazarus died.  Here’s part of the story from John 11:17-37 –

 ¹⁷On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. ¹⁸Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, ¹⁹and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. ²⁰When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.

 ²¹“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. ²²But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”

 ²³Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

 ²⁴Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

 ²⁵Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; ²⁶and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

 ²⁷“Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.”

 ²⁸And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” ²⁹When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. ³⁰Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. ³¹When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.

 ³²When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

 ³³When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping; he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴“Where have you laid him?” he asked.
      “Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

 ³⁵Jesus wept.

 ³⁶Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

 ³⁷But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

³⁸Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. ³⁹“Take away the stone,” he said.
      “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”

 ⁴⁰Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

 ⁴¹So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. ⁴²I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

 ⁴³When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” ⁴⁴The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
      Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

Two things stand out to me about this passage. First, the depth of Jesus’ pain stands out. Though John predicts Him as knowing this whole event was going to go down, some way, Jesus is in deep grief over the whole affair – especially in how it is hurting the people that he loves.  We are told of how emotional he is, even that “he wept.”  Jesus is grieving deeply with and for the people he loves. 

Second, the immediate resurrection that occurs stands out.  As the “resurrection and the life” Jesus has the power over death. Wherever Jesus is, that power goes.  Jesus – full of compassion and love – raises Lazarus from the dead.  

This is great for Jesus – and certainly meant to provide hope for us.  But, to me, when we normal people like you and me are snake bit by death, this is tough to hear. Because you and I can’t (usually) raise people from the dead.  We face death and grieve with the ones we loved. We are moved to compassion and EVERYTHING within us wants to make it alright. But we cannot.  Death’s power renders us powerless.  

The last few days I have – as a pastor and a friend – have been moved to compassion as the people I love grieve and hurt over the loss.  And I am powerless to change it.  Try as I might to make things alright, my efforts seem feeble and misguided in the face of the power of death. I sing the alleluias for those I love in prayer and hopefully in acts of service. Yet right now, I feel as though my singing is off-key, my voice cracks, and its strength barely rises above a whisper.

And so death snake bites me too…even though I was not as close to the boy as others.  It affects my church and it affects my friends.  All around me people that I love are hurting.  As is typical of Jason, in my own sense of security and permanence, I run into the fight. Even though the fight with death is a losing battle for us humans, every instinct within me wants to stand in between death and those people and take the hit for them.

But I cannot.  This pains me. And this reveals the fact that I too live under the same illusions that most humans live under – that death really won’t touch us and that if it does, we can manipulate it with our own strength like we do everything else.

But do we actually have the power to manipulate, or change, anything?  Yes and no.  No in the sense that all of our plans, all of our goals, all of our dreams, all of the things we yearn for in this world are but a blink-of-an-eye away from coming tumbling down.  Just think of what 9/11 did to the entire psyche of the USA – it showed us that our cultural seats of power (money – Twin Towers & military – Pentagon) are as insecure and impermanent as anything else.

YES in the sense that there is a way for us to build this life on a solid foundation that is not so insecure, not so impermanent . We build our “houses” on the things that last. We build – and then LIVE – life based on the resurrection. Hope is not only a thought, it is an action. 

How do we do this? What does “snake bite training” for death look like?

First, this means we must all regularly accept death as a reality in this world.  I don’t think we should ever lose sight of this.  Not that anyone wants to walk around being depressed. The saints of old meditated on death regularly – as a way to prioritize the true values in life.  That way, they could let go of all the things we think are important but really aren’t so much in the light of death.  

Think about how this would change the way we live!  The main illusion that would go is the illusion of time. None of us know how much time we have to live.  If we took death seriously, we’d stop WASTING time (and mental energy) on the stuff that doesn’t ultimately matter – you know, the “building of storehouses” for ourselves of treasures here on earth. 

We get so wrapped up in what we want, what are dreams are, what next steps we should take, what relationship we should be in, what we want to be in 5 years, what God’s will is for us in the future – that we don’t pay attention to the gift of the “PRESENT” moment.  All you’ve got is NOW.  Use it wisely. 

Perhaps you’re still running the rat-race, trying to live a life of “achievement”, trying to secure your own future.  When all along God is trying to get you to let go and follow Him down a path. Yet you’re holding on too tight to a job, to a person, to a dream… Like the rich young ruler in Matthew 19 – you do a lot of good things, but you think you can keep stuff back from God.  You can’t. You’re all in as a disciple or you’re not. There’s no middle ground. You THINK (illusion) you have time to be wishy-washy about making a decision.  What if you don’t? Do you want to live with the regret that death brings? Do you really want to miss out on abundant life?

Second, this means we must all choose a new governing principle for living in the present moment.  Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lays down his life for his friends.”  We choose the course of sacrificial, others-serving love.  Sounds pretty obvious, right?  I mean, Christians “in principle” agree with this concept.  But do we practice it?

Now, I know that I would lay down my life – I would choose to die in someone else’s place if the choice were mine to make, especially the people that I love.  But, then I wonder how good I am at dying for them on a daily basis.  How good am I at actually giving my life for them? I would choose to die for them, yes.  But am I choosing to live for them?  Are they more important to me than me?  When Jesus put this question to Peter in John 21 (after Peter’s selfish failure) He said, “Peter, do you love me?” Peter said, “Yes, you know that I do.”  Jesus replied, “Feed my sheep.”  That’s where the rubber meets the road.

 Selfishly, I think that things should go my way. That people should bend towards my reality, my will.  We all do this. Bitterness, envy, strife, lust, unforgiveness, etc. are all examples of ways we’ve chosen to live our lives for ourselves.  It can be seen as harshly and obviously in the outright gossip/slander of another person and the more subtle refusing to forgive and keeping a wall up between yourself and another.  We remain unreconciled to others because we haven’t laid down our life for them, truly, and we let this go on because we’re still under the illusion of time – we THINK we will have time to make it all alright.  What if you don’t? What if by putting it off, things only get worse? What if you become hardened and unforgiving? 

When I finally faced up to living a life more fully governed by reconciliation – I realized that no matter what the earthly results were – I did not want there to be any unnecessary barrier between me and the people I love.  I stopped (and continue to remind myself to stop) living under the illusion that things would just somehow become ok, that I had plenty of time, that people knew how I really felt.  Well, I stopped believing this illusion. I didn’t want to take that risk.  I wanted to live a life of love and wanted people to be sure of that. No matter their responses – good, bad, indifferent – I am in control of the giving of my love.  Why wait??? Why not give it fully and freely RIGHT NOW?

You see, we cannot control death or manipulate the rules here. It is the ever present consequence of a sinful world.  We must stop living under the illusion of time and face reality. Death comes to us all.  We all get snake bit when we realize we are powerless to make things eternal – be it a dream, a job, a relationship. 

We do have the power to recognize the true nature of things and build our houses on that which is truly eternal. We do have the power to give away our love fully and freely right now.  This is a sure and lasting foundation.  These things will not pass away – they do go on forever.  

As I met with, listened to, and talked with a group of high school students trying to deal with the tragedy of losing a friend – the first time many of them really faced the reality of death – we talked about the perspective death can bring to life. We celebrated the “eternal” things of the young boy’s life – he had affected people for good. He had a relationship with God.  He brought joy into people’s hearts. These are lasting things. 

We also talked about our lives.  Death broke the illusion for them and brought a moment of clarity.  What would be different about their lives based on this clarity?  How would they treat people differently based on this new-found understanding?  What was most important to them about life in light of the reality of death?  If they were the one’s who died, would the people they love KNOW for sure that they loved Jesus?  Would the people they loved KNOW for sure that they loved them? 

We don’t get to choose how or when death comes. It’s always a snake bite. 

We get to choose how we live and how we love.  

Followng the example of Jesus – As surely as I would die for you, my friends and family… I want you to know that with all my heart, I will endeavor to give my life and love for you while it is in my possession and power to give. Forgive me for the imperfect  (and sometimes somewhat selfish) ways that I do this. I hope you see the intent of my heart.

I hope my ACTIONS more often than not demonstrate this, but may you always know that the last words I would want you to hear from me are these –

I love you.

Jason

We’re All Gonna Die (no.15)

Greetings Family and Friends,

The title of this post gets the “bad news” out of the way right off the bat!  Why do I bring up such gloomy thoughts?  Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  The “season” of Lent is 40-day period (excluding Sundays, which are celebration days) that is traditionally set aside for Christians to fast and pray for spiritual rededication and/or deepening as we prepare for Easter Sunday.

Why Ashes? Following Biblical tradition, Christians for centuries have used ashes on their heads as a sign of remorse, repentance, and mourning.  On Ash Wednesday, the sign of the cross is marked on a person’s forehead with anointing oil and ashes.  This symbol reminds us that the solution to human mortality and sinfulness is the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  We are reminded on Ash Wednesday, indeed throughout Lent, that death and sin do not have the last word. The last word belongs to Jesus Christ – and it is a word of grace, a word of hope, a word of love.

So, when you see some Christians walking around with “dirt” on their foreheads today, understand that it is a sign of rededication to Jesus. It is a choice people make to publically give witness to their need for Jesus’ spiritual, emotional, and physical healing work in their lives.  Obviously, you don’t have to practice Ash Wednesday to make this spiritual recommitment. However, I’ve found that as I practice it with millions of Christians around the world (and throughout the centuries) that there is great spiritual strength and comfort in knowing that I’m connected with my brothers and sisters in the Christian faith in a way that transcends time, culture, and physicality.  We are connected through faith in Jesus and we have decided to come to Him in the same act of faith.  In a world where even Christians are divided and disagree on many things, I find this symbolic unity to be quite beautiful.

We have many times for reflection, repentance, and renewal at my church.  Admittedly, most Nazarene Churches don’t practice Ash Wednesday, but I am glad that we do.  We come together and ask the Holy Spirit to help people reflect on their relationship with God by considering these questions in personal prayer time:

1. Is my relationship with God truly the main focus of my life?
2. Am I willfully disobeying any known law of God?
3. Do I desire and depend too much on status or possessions?
4. Are my thoughts and actions sexually pure?
5. Am I lazy or neglectful in any areas of responsibility?
6. Would others consider me a Lion-Lamb (reconciling/peacemaking) type Christian?
7. Am I doing anything to lead other people to Jesus Christ?

As you can see, these questions don’t mess around.  When sin and death entered our world, it became horribly broken, fractured, and lost.  We see and live with the effects of sin and death each day.

Yet we believe that Jesus makes a REAL difference in our lives – that Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, His “atoning work”, is the actual solution for this sin and death predicament.  On Ash Wednesday, we consider how WE contribute to the sadness of the human condition, take responsibility for our part in the mess, and ask Jesus to heal us so that we give more love and grace to the world than we do death and sin. It’s really that simple…yet, complex.

So, in the spirit of Ash Wednesday…Allow me to reflect a little on what God is doing in my life and how I’m addressing the sin & death factor inside Jason.

You already know that since October/November of last year (2009), God brought me out of a “desert/questioning/waiting” time in my spiritual journey into a time of renewal.  This is why & when I started writing you again (and included some new friends in the process).

This renewal was motivated by thoughts of reconciliation – the topic of my Master’s Thesis – as I reflected seriously on whether or not I was a man of true reconciliation.  As I obediently addressed areas that I felt were unreconciled with God and others – my heart opened up to the love of God and my faith was renewed and deepened.

Ash Wednesday, and the season of Lent, really are a time of reconciliation – but in my mind, it’s primarily a time of reconciling “who we really are right now” with the reality of Jesus Christ so that we can become more of “the person we are meant to be.”

Who am I?  Who is Jesus? Who am I becoming? These are the questions on my mind today as I write to you all.  In the past few weeks, Jesus has taken me even deeper into the prayer life so that He can help me answer these questions, increase my faith, and make me more like Him.  The road to this kind of self-reflection goes through radical honesty and total humility.

As I reflect today, I think about “death.” I’m a mortal man, meaning I will die.  Moreover, this means that I am not all-powerful.  I cannot escape death – the great unknown we will all face.  Sometimes I still live as if time was not passing by and life was not changing, as if I will be young forever and will always have the same options.  Death is a fleeting, far-off thought in my conscious mind – though there is no guarantee that I will live past the next hour.  It is a reality I often ignore, because my world and my self-consumed ways lull me into numbness to death.  I don’t decide often enough to prioritize my life based on it being a sacred, precious gift.

I face death in the metaphorical sense of “loss.” I cannot bend reality to my will all of the time, I have limitations that frustrate me and cause me further grief.  Sometimes I try with all my might, with the best of intentions, and I still experience the loss that comes through failure and rejection.  Beyond failure and rejection, I still experience to this day deeper loss through indifference, opposition, and even hatred. Though I continue to try to love others as God would love them, sometimes others only see my “self” and not Christ, no matter how much I wish this were not the case.

I have hopes & dreams & desires – yet I am profoundly aware that my sinfulness or the sinfulness of others can and does alter them on a regular basis.  Sometimes, it is very, very tempting to lose heart because these things are not realized.  Because loss hurts, I don’t allow myself to grieve enough. It is far easier to “play the man” and harden myself by ignoring it, minimizing it, or building up tolerance (callousness) in my heart against it.  The consequence of these moments is that I progressively “ice God out” – not that I turn away from Him intentionally, just that I make for a poor relationship partner because I am no longer listening.  Secretly, in my heart, I attribute this loss to God, and I am tempted to think that He is not so good – and that anything that I want or might want will only be taken away.  Why hope if you believe that loss is on the other side of that hope?

As I come to Ash Wednesday, I choose to address my insufficiency in addressing mortality – death & loss.  Honestly & humbly, I must confess to God and others that I still think that I have the right, at some level, to be the director of my life.  I still call the shots. I still play “God.”  All of this has its roots in the insecurity of my mortality and unless I choose to die to that insecurity, it will continue to find it’s way to wreak havoc in my life – and others will feel the effects.

Paradoxically, the way past the insecurity of mortality is through death itself. I must die daily to myself and trust Jesus Christ to raise me from the dead, fill me with His Spirit, and live life through me.  I can die to self securely because Jesus faced death, died, and God vindicated His faithfulness with Resurrection.  Many people wonder about their death or what they’re going to do when they face a significant loss. The Good News is that we can choose the manner of our death to mortality RIGHT NOW, EACH DAY – and surrender control to a loving, wise, Savior.

As I reflect today, I think about “sinfulness.” More than being mortal, I think, “Woe is me, I am a man of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips.” I know all too well, very deeply to my core that I need Jesus or I’m done for – really, I am so much better living in His grace than out of it.  I shudder to think of the person that I might be if I didn’t know Christ and go to Him often for grace – saying, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

When I say that I shudder to think of who I might be without Jesus, it’s not that I envision myself as what the world would think of as a horrible person (murderer, thief, etc.).  I think I would still appear “good” in many ways to people.

However, I know myself.  I know how much “self” is on my mind in the past & how much it still finds its way into my present (despite my awareness of it).  There are days when I feel entirely self-consumed – even in prayer!  I desire in prayer for God to come to the rescue of my “self” – and though there is pain, hurt, brokenness, and suffering around me, all that I can think of in my mind is how things are affecting me, what makes me sad, what makes me mad, and…what would make me glad. These things can be all consuming at times.  Self.  Jason.  I want what I want.  I feel what I feel.  I give what I choose to give.  Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.  Blah! Yuck! Ugh! But it’s honest.

And it’s not always obvious.  Sometimes my “self’ just doesn’t like to be “inconvenienced” – you know, how dare you take too long to bring me my food at a restaurant? How dare you take the last piece of pizza? How dare you get praised for something that I wanted praise for? Sometimes my “self” just doesn’t like the way another person chooses to dress, to talk, to act – not that they are necessarily wrong, it’s just their way is not the way I prefer, so my “self” is “irritated”.

A wise pastor friend once challenged a bunch of us pastor-types at a retreat with a question for us to ask the other people in our lives: “Is there anything you see in me that might diminish the love and grace of Jesus Christ in the eyes of others?” That question is always scary at some level, because in just asking it to ourselves we will immediately go to thoughts of (1) Have people really seen me at my worst, and (2) Do people really see in me the inconsistencies I see in me? It’s scary to think of how people might really think of you and your witness for Jesus Christ.  It’s like going to people and asking them, “Hey, when I’m not around, what do you really say about me? What do others say about me when they’re joking about me or frustrated with me?” I know for certain, too, what I would say about “ME” if I were talking about “me” behind my back.  I would like it if I could keep all of my selfishness private – but I cannot.  I would like it if everyone would think good of me – but they won’t.  I know this.  It disturbs me that other people’s opinions – especially people whom I highly regard – can affect me.  It disturbs me to know that I am disturbed by this in part because I am selfish.  The fact of the matter is that while people may give you feedback that is only their perception, perception for everyone is reality. And, sometimes, perception IS really the reality. That stings.

I’d like to think I am growing in selflessness.  At times I judge myself too harshly.  At times I praise myself too easily.  I work on knowing my true motivation, but at some level, even I don’t know my true self like God does.  I consider the hopes & dreams & desires I have as a measure, or at least a continuous check to my selfishness. Are my desires selfish? Is my love pure?

I think of the love in my heart that I have for God and how it leads me to dream big dreams for reaching the world for Christ.  I think of how great it would be to influence people and places that are resistant to God to fall in love with Him. I think of going to France and other places like it, where God has been left behind in people’s minds, but is still present waiting to be found.  This inspires me to be great for God and do great things for Him. THEN I consider – What if that greatness for God never happens?  What if I never really get to see the “fruit” of my ministry like that? What if my main influence is only on my family?  What if my life will consist of simple, faithful pastoral ministry in some small church in Oklahoma until I retire? What if God asked me to clean toilets for the rest of my life and have virtually no ministerial influence? Would I still be happy? Fulfilled? In love with God?

I think of the love in my heart that I have for people and how it leads me to sacrifice my time, talent, and treasure for them.  I think of the times I put in 15 hrs days in ministry.  I think of the things that I do for people to show them that I care and remind them of God’s love.  I think of my coming to the defense, the side, the rescue of the oppressed, rejected, confused, and brokenhearted.  I think of the little things like taking a simple task/burden off someone’s back so that they can rest easier and focus on things that are more important. I think of writing online devotionals, honestly and openly, so that maybe, just maybe my life will help someone else. THEN I consider – What if no one ever thanks me or praises me for these acts of service?  What if I am taken for granted? What if my actions/thoughts simply cause people to roll their eyes or worse – speak ill of me for being arrogant, foolish, or selfish? What happens when everything I try to do for others in interpreted as “self-love?”  What if I give and am flat our rejected?  What if I never see the results of other people growing through my relationship with them?  Would I still serve other people? Be fulfilled? Continue to give?

I think of the love in my heart for a woman and a family (dormant though it may be)…I think of the five weeks I’ve just spent sharing my whole foundation for love and relationships. I think of how amazing it would be to truly be able to be completely and totally vulnerable with one woman for the rest of my life – which may be the most “sanctifying” community that God created. I think of all of the ways that I cannot wait to be romantic, caring, and thoughtful – in ways specific to the wants and needs of my wife. I think of how awesome it would be to share life and ministry (whatever that may look like) with a woman, and how my marriage could be an example of self-giving, sacrificial 1 Corinthians 13 love in our world, and a witness to the love God has for us.  I think of how this love could be increased and multiplied through children & grandchildren who love the Lord and serve Him.  I think of the joy it brings to think that I try to love my wife as Christ loved the Church. THEN I consider – What if I never get married?  What if the Lord sees fit to continue to keep me single longer than I want to be single?  What if I love again and get rejected again? What if I never know the deep intimacy of “knowing & being known” at the core of my being that I desire?  What if I never get to be a father or grandfather? Would I still offer my love? Would I still strive for godly intimacy?  Would I try to love others as Christ loves the Church? Would I still define my life goal as being a “man of love” even if no wife or children were part of that picture?

Again, I must surrender my self to God, to die daily…to allow God to purify my desires. We love what we desire and desire what we love. Therefore, LOVE must be purified.

The Lord is teaching me that the only way that my love can be purified, the only way to die to myself daily is through living the prayer life.

The prayer life is a life of surrender to God in prayer. Prayer is, as Richard Foster says, “the middle voice of speech.”  So much of my life is lived in the “active voice” – Jason thinking, planning, doing, accomplishing – that without prayer, there is no room for God to intervene, to guide, to shape.  The other side is the “passive voice” where God supposedly predetermines everything, and there is no choice but to resign myself to the way things are.

I’m choosing to live in the middle voice. Through serious prayer, beginning in the morning and continuing throughout the day, I surrender myself over and over to God and rely more and more on His grace.  Prayer comes first in all things and all things come through prayer.  This seriously changes the way that I live and love – for the better.  As I pray – I can RELEASE all things to God knowing that He’s good & faithful and hears my prayers.  I also set myself free to do what I know I can do in the present moment – faithfully and obediently.  This is the way I offer myself as a living sacrifice, hopefully pleasing and acceptable to God.  I invite you to join me in the prayer life, choose the “middle voice”, and to live your life surrendered to God daily.

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Jason

Because Girls Still Like Jerks and Gentlemen Prefer [dumb] Blonds, That’s Why! (no.14)

Greetings Family and Friends,

Yes. It’s that time again. My guess is that some of you are still trying to read and process last week’s devotional about creativity.  It was long, even by my standards, and a truly honest snapshot of where God is working with me as He continues His “creative” work in my life.  God’s creative and re-creative ability has deep implications for the way that we address love and relationships, for we love as God has loved us.  I hope that we can all learn to be radically open, thoughtful, and forgiving as we apply God’s creative power to our lives, especially (but not limited to) love and relationships.

[By the way, the Lord has been especially good all week long – working in my heart in new and good ways.]

This week I’m going to wrap up this love and relationships series by focusing on CONFIDENCE.

Confidence is attractive. Confidence is what makes people happy when they are not in a love relationship. Confidence is what makes it possible for two different individuals to have the strength of self to choose covenant love, for to mutually submit to one another is no easy task.

At the same time, nothing ruins love and relationships like confidence, or more appropriately, wrongly placed confidence.

Let’s look at wrongly placed confidence.  The bane of my existence for a long, long time was why all these good girls, some of whom I happened to be attracted to, kept dating JERK after JERK after JERK – never learning a lesson, never being able to spot this early (whereas) the rest of humanity could see this coming 100 miles away.  Sometimes the girl could too, but they seemed “powerless” to prevent themselves from making the same mistake again.  The fantasy of that bad boy was just too much.

To be fair, men have their version of the “jerk” it is the “dumb blond”. I’m sorry, blond girls; I’m not picking on your hair color alone or you because many of you are highly intelligent, strong, and kind.  I’m talking about the Marilyn Monroe ideal that’s been perpetuated as a myth in our culture – namely, that women are sex objects that exist for our pleasure and intelligence, strength, and character would get in the way of that fantasy.

Both fantasies play on a deep human attraction – confidence (or its perceived existence). Jerks appear confident to women precisely because they do whatever they want to do regardless of how it affects other people and sometimes just to prove their position over other people (Alpha Male). Jerks do what they want, when they want, which makes them terribly unpredictable and “untamable” and thus exciting to someone’s rather predictable life (remember NOVELTY is important to the relational dialectic – see “Communication” devotional).   Furthermore, NO GIRL truly wants to be THE FOCUS of a man’s life, for a girl lives with herself and her reality ALL the time, she wants something MORE. We all do. We want more than ourselves.  If a guy makes the girl the focus of his life, then the girl will get annoyed quickly because she wants to be caught up with him in something greater – a purpose, an adventure, even an escape from normal daily existence, including her own self.  The girl knows intuitively that while she wants to be the ONE the untamable chooses, she doesn’t want to be the GOAL – she wants more, a story, a life, and an adventure.

Nice guys finish last because many are passive aggressive.  The have opinions but can’t be assertive, so they try to manipulate through acting like babies/dependents. Essentially, they don’t have any self confidence, they view the girl as the goal, and they start to look to the girl to lead the relationship.  A major way that this shows up is in the whole “where do you want to eat” discussion that couples have.  Now, a jerk is going to be decisive, basically he’s going to do what he wants to do and you can come along or not come.  A certain stability and comfort come with such decisiveness – even if it is rude, which we will talk about in due time…

Nice guys have an opinion, but they’re afraid of hurting the girls’ feeling (and possibly losing her), so they answer “wherever you want to eat” – and proceed to NEVER MAKE A DECISION.  This is entirely irritating to women because they want to know that you’re confident enough to pick a restaurant. If you’re not, they KNOW you’re NOT confident enough to handle them and their complicated emotional world.  Guys, I know most of us don’t care as much about where we eat – just that we eat.  Understand the girl is looking for decisiveness/confidence out of you and at least have an opinion.  In addition, don’t be offended and sulky if she turns down your opinion.  She often just wants to know that you have an opinion – that you are confident and care enough to offer input.  You’ll understand this fully when you start “helping” plan your wedding.  Haha

As far as men and “dumb blonds” go, the effect is similar.  These women project an over abundance of sexual confidence. They know men are more visually stimulated – so why not amp up the cleavage to get attention?  It takes a lot of perceived confidence to put oneself out there sexually, on display, in order to get a guys attention.  This more than levels the playing field with masculine power.  The over sexualization of one’s beauty gives the girl the upper hand, for men will fight to possess it and even conquer it.  All this time the girl knows the effect she’s having and she’s in total control.  She downplays her intelligence and competencies because this would ruin the fantasy and she puts all her eggs in the sexual power basket to get what she wants.  This single-mindedness, this simplicity, I think in a way makes men feel more comfortable. Let’s face it – the majority of women are better at human relationships of all kinds than the majority of men are.  Men like to know their role and what’s expected of them – they’re achievement oriented.  The “dumb blond” – makes that really, really clear.  Every guy eventually realizes that he wants more than this – a partner, an “ezer”, etc. (well, every truly good guy) – but this is often obscured along the way.

To be sure, these women aren’t really fun to date. They’re a lot of work. They’re high maintenance in every conceivable way.  But, like the “untamable jerk” – getting with these HM women feels like an accomplishment. Men are good at work and checking things off lists and showing off their accomplishments.  Also, many men would rather know their place and know the “rules of engagement” – because it’s clean and simple in a “me Tarzan, you Jane” kind of way.  Plus, let’s face it… a lot of guys like to be the hero, they like to rescue.  The damsel in distress allows men to play out that fantasy and feel confident themselves – and everyone likes to feel confident…

It’s especially nice to feel confident without all the responsibility that goes into actually being a confident person, you, things like, you know – having your OWN deep relationship with Jesus, life, hobbies, goals, dreams, responsibilities, a job, network of friends, etc.

Now, let me point out the obvious flaw in the confidence of the untamable “jerks and dumb blonds.” They ARE NOT confident.  They are insecure!!! Here’s how you know. Oppose a jerk and see what he does.  If you even FLIRT with another guy even though the jerk has cheated on you more than once, the jerk will go crazy in a heartbeat.  He’ll want to beat the guy up, beat you up, yell, scream, fight, and make you feel like the lesser person in the relationship.  If you actually do leave the jerk – after his homicidal/rage stage he’ll be suicidal/”I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back, baby. All of a sudden, opposing a jerk reveals he’s really a toddler emotionally.  Ladies –  FYI – that emotional lead singer/guitar is usually in REALITY a moody, temperamental child who cries when things don’t go his way all of the time.  The sexiness of the talent will wear off fast if you go out with him to IHOP after the concert.  Seriously.

If you want to throw the “dumb blond” for a loop – act unimpressed by her sexual beauty. Seriously, if you really want to mess with her head (if you’re that kind of a person) tell her she could lose a few ponds or to get better clothes.  Heck, VH 1 had a whole show about this! (Pick Up Artist). She’ll pretty much crumble because the “act” has become her identity.  Her identity is now in her looks/sexuality alone. She may have been smart or accomplished, but she played to her looks and now doesn’t know how to draw on those other strengths anymore without fear of rejection.  Looks/sexuality is the most insecure foundation because (1) looks change, usually not for the better over time and (2) there’s always going to be other attractive people in this world.  Guys – FYI – you get what you ask for with trophy, namely, it’s only good for show in the spotlight or sitting on a shelf.  Eventually, you realize “I’ve got to dust this thing a lot” or “I don’t want to carry this thing with me all the time when I’m with the guys.”  Ultimately, if you wanted to win a trophy, you’re gonna want another one.

That we all have at one time or another pursued the jerk or the dumb blond – or some version of false confidence speaks to the insecurity in all of us.  What is it about us that JUMPS at the appearance of confidence so hard and so fast that we’re willing to be in unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships?

Simply – we all have wounds.  These wounds come from our past hurts and these conscious and subconscious, affect our futures.  Many people have father wounds – from a dad that essentially abandoned them.  Others have mother wounds, from a mom that was over-involved and not letting them grow up.  Then we have wounds from friends, our first loves, and even our work environments.  All of these wound our sense of self – they hurt our confidence and so we go looking for it, sadly, in another person.  Sometimes, we all like to pick a person we know is not good for us (jerk, dumb blond) because it makes us feel better about ourselves, we get confidence from being co-dependent, from being the person that other person “needs.”  All of this is traced back to our insecurity.

(1) What is true confidence?  (2) How do we get it?  (3) How do we recognize it?

(1) True confidence is about real strength. Confidence has to do with strength of self. I’m confident in the things that I do well.  I’m confident in myself as a person in that I believe that if I can’t do something well, I can get better OR if I don’t know how to do something, I can learn.  I’m confident in my ability to communicate – even though I know I do it poorly sometimes, I’m committed to keep at it until it’s clear.  When I’m a horrible person, or sinful, or obtuse, I’m confident in my ability to say I’m sorry and change course and try to be a better son/brother/co-worker/friend/lover. When someone does this to me, I’m confident that I can hear them out and forgive them and reengage in relationship.  If there is no apology/consideration/reconciliation on their part, I’m confident I can forgive them in my heart and move on, continuing to pursue the abundant life.  I pour myself out to you all in these e-mails because I’m confident God has asked me to be vulnerable.  Whatever the situation, I’ve decided that I am honestly and totally do my part and let the chips fall where they may and learn to live with the consequences of my decisions.

This alone probably sounds arrogant (which is really insecurity).  I should clarify and say that I’d be a horribly insecure person if it weren’t for the love of Jesus.  Really, I believe that “Jason” has “died with Christ” and “it is no longer (Jason) who lives, but Christ who lives in me.”  In a very real and practical sense, I stick close to Jesus and rely on His strength. I appropriate His strength in me.  When I feel out of balance, crazy, insecure, hurt, alone, rejected, etc.  I go to Him.  I go to Him in prayer.  I go to His Word in the Bible.  I go to Him in the form of trusted spiritual friends. I go to Him in worship. I would be utterly lost without Jesus and the ways He has shown me to depend on his strength.  Really, I’m entirely focused on the kind of CONFIDENCE that JESUS modeled – for it is the key for my life and the thing that “rights the ship” when I’m feeling lost.  His strength (confidence) is made perfect in my weakness.  I have weaknesses.  Insecurity, I believe is not the absence of weakness, it responding poorly to one’s weakness – meeting the “need” in a wrong way.

Jesus was confident in His Father’s love. This enabled Him to surrender His power as equal with God in order to be a slave, a servant, knowing that His Father wouldn’t let Him down.  Consider that many of the people he ministered to did not understand him, many people whom he loved rejected him, and the people who supposedly knew the truth of God crucified Him.  Yet He did what He did anyway. Washed feet. Healed the sick.  Forgave prostitutes.  Wept for his friends.  Jesus was STRONG ENOUGH TO SERVE. STRONG ENOUGH TO BE VULNERABLE.STRONG ENOUGH TO DIE FOR OTHERS.

That’s confidence. That’s love. The Apostle Paul encourages us to follow this pattern in our relationships (including those romantic ones):

Philippians 2:5 In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had:

6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.

8 And being found in appearance as a human being,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,

10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

(2) We get our confidence from that which we believe has ultimate value. Your own personal strength is going to come from whatever you consider to be of ultimate value.  If it’s looks, so be it. If it’s your accomplishments, so be it. If it’s your intelligence, so be it.  If it’s other people in your life, so be it.  If it’s your culture or family’s view of “the good life” or “success”, so be it.

Just understand that all of those, while not necessarily bad, are unstable sources of lasting confidence.  Why? Because the are all passing away.  They are all of this world.  Sometimes we give our lives to them, shifting to find new sources of confidence, only to discover that, yep – this isn’t it either, this isn’t lasting.  You know you’ve misplaced your confidence is something when it wreaks your life when you no longer possess it.  Believe me, I’ve been there before.

I’m not talking about pain from a bad circumstance, that’s normal. I’m talking about your identity. I’m talking about the “who am I and what am I going to do now” questions.  If a situation in which you felt confident (like a relationship) ends – and it gets at you at the deepest level and it’s hard to recover your true strength, your confidence, your identity or sense of self – well, that means that you’ve misplaced your confidence.  Again – I know, I’ve done this, and thankfully, the Lord corrects, guides, and heals…hopefully, I’m better for it now.

At that point, we have a choice. We can go on and find some other temporary source of confidence (relationship, job, school) Or we can retreat into our insecurity (give up, hide, stop being vulnerable). Or we can “fake confidence” (jerks, dumb blonds).

Or we can finally surrender our lives to Jesus Christ, who not only modeled confidence, but is seated at the right hand of God ready to assist in growing our confidence (FAITH) in any and every way.  We can let go and let God.  We can give our lives away to find them.  It seems counter-intuitive, but it is the only way to live and Jesus Christ is the only sure foundation on which to build your “house” or “self-confidence” in life and love.  When we lack confidence, or faith, the good news is we can go and get a fresh supply each and every day, each and every moment of everyday.

(3) We recognize confidence through time, consistency, and community. This is where the rubber meets the road in relationships, especially romantic relationships!!!  This is how you know the difference between a confident good guy/”nice” weak guy/and a jerk.  This is how you know the difference between a confident good woman/a “people pleaser”/and a “dumb blond.”

You will recognize true confidence over time because you will be able to observe in multiple circumstances the nuances of a person’s character and personality.  We judge some people too harshly when we don’t understand the way they work. Over time, we will stop projecting the THINGS WE THINK WE WANT on to people and our EXPECTATIONS will be tailored to fit a real person – not an imagined perfect person. (Incidentally, I think this is why I am mostly against long-distance relationships right now, especially for people young in the ways of love). Also, over time, we’ll learn to shed the INSECURITIES that make us attracted to the WRONG PEOPLE.  You’ve got to let time do this in your own life, as well as others.  Ultimately, we’re all flexible IF WE ARE CONFIDENT IN OURSELVES. It’s easier to accept a person for who they are if we’ve truly accepted ourselves. It takes time to know and accept ourselves (self-confidence) for who we really are and it takes more time to truly extend that to another person (see their true confidence).  Time is essential.

You will recognize true confidence in consistency.  This is a character issue as well. Look, we all have our bad sides and our bad days. I would not want to be judged by my worst thoughts, words, or actions.  If I were, I’d want someone to look at the “total” work of my life.  I’d want people to know my heart as much as what my actions/words were – you know, a lot of problems are just from misunderstanding/miscommunication. But it’s not about perfection of actions/traits/words/etc., it’s about consistency. That’s why over time we look for the consistent threads in a person’s life. Ask questions about their consistency. Are they servants?  Do they follow through on their word?  Do they move around a lot?  Are the committed to the tasks they undertake? Can they make room for other people?  Do they have their own vision?  Is Jesus the love of their life?  Do they have good friendships?  How are they with their family?  How do they treat strangers and people who are different from them? Are they grace givers?  Are they thoughtful?  Can they say I’m sorry?  Will they put your needs above their own on a regular basis? I mean we’ve all got to accept that each one of us is difficult in some way or another to somebody…so we have to determine if WE are consistent or flaky.  If we are consistent, that means that while we all have issues, we STICK WITH IT and DON’T GIVE UP EASILY. You’ll recognize the consistency in other people, esp. love relationships, PRECISELY because they STICK WITH YOU, GOD, OTHERS- working at it, trying, learning, growing. Who’s willing to stand by you in thick and thin, come hell or high-water?  That’s consistency.

Finally, you’ll recognize true confidence in community. None of us are smart enough to see the BIG PICTURE on our own.  We need God’s wisdom and we need trusted counsel.  It’s pretty prideful (arrogant = insecurity) to think you can figure this out on your own. Really, true confidence is knowing that you don’t know everything, admitting it, and living you life accordingly.  Do you really think you’re that wise?  The bible cautions against this mentality, calls it foolish and prideful, which “comes before the fall.” Likewise, the other person in the relationship should be practicing this community ethic as well. Do they seek counsel in community? – That is a sign of humility and that’s a good thing because it means that they’re likely to be confident in the right things…especially if it is not really about them and it’s about God and the community. Who in your life have you asked to pray with you about the deep matters of your heart?  Are you entirely honest with these people about everything?  Accountable? Vulnerable?  Willing to truly listen to their advice? Open to God’s direction? That’s Community!

I think you get the picture.  True Confidence comes from Christ and manifest itself in healthy self-confidence that looks like Christ in our lives.  This means strength is not “power” like the world thinks of power.  Confidence in Christ means we are strong enough to serve, strong enough to be vulnerable, strong enough to die for others.

Now we’ve come to the end of the mini-series on love and relationships – and just in time for Valentine’s Day 2010.  At least, I’ve come to the end of my stand on what is my chosen way of life, love, and relationships that I’ve been working towards – and will continue to work towards – for my whole life.  This is what I want. This is what I’ve always wanted. This is what I choose:

(1)   Spiritually formed life as the context for everything built on (a) Do no harm (b) Do good, and (c) Stay in love with God.

(2)   Covenant Love.  Each person gives their life to Jesus in exchange for His life and then each person exchanges life for life, choosing each other “better or worse” for life.

(3)   Communication.  We honor the “other” person in the relationship as a true other – seeking to know them, serve them, meet their unique needs – and we’re comfortable enough to state what ours are as well.

(4)   Creativity. We follow a God who continually “makes all things new.” We co-create with God and our partner a unique love relationship to our strengths/vision and all things are continually made new in openness, thoughtfulness, and forgiveness.

(5)   Confidence. The source of our strength, our very identity is the sacrificial/servant love of Jesus Christ. We reject false confidence for the insecurity it really is and we look for and nurture true confidence in others and ourselves.

There you go.  You don’t have to be a in a love relationship with another person to practice this life. You are already in a love relationship with Jesus who should be the true love of our life first and foremost.  However, friends and family and even enemies are worthy of our love.  I hope that in God’s will and way, we will all find and grow exponentially with another person who chooses this path along with us. Happy Valentines’ Day 2010!

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Jason

He Makes ALL Things New (no.13)

Greetings family and friends!

It’s been a long and interesting week in my life.  Good in unexpected and emotional ways – but because of emotions, also sad.  This will most certainly affect in some form or fashion today’s devotional thought.  I am sticking with the plan – to lay out my firm foundation for love and relationships – which is, after all, really the vision I choose to have for how I would navigate a loving relationship.  But what do I know? Nothing, really, in one sense. Last time I checked, I’m single.  I’m writing from wisdom I’ve gained through trial and error, through prayer and education, to be sure.  However, I’m also casting my vision – creating a reality that I would one day hope to bring into actuality.

However, rather than writing as much in the “vision-casting way” that I have been writing this mini-series, I’m going to be coming more from the heart, because, people, my heart has been especially vulnerable this past week as the Holy Spirit does his thing. Through conversations and prayer, I feel that what is going on in my heart may perhaps relate more to this devotional on “CREATIVITY” than I ever would have thought in the first place.  Oh, the best laid plans…

Plans. That’s the point, really.  Can we ever truly have plans?  Actually, do we really want to have plans? Because life is, as you know, chaotic; unpredictable; messy.  This creates some grief for us.  Our pastor spoke about grief this Sunday and I felt lead to pray and meditate on the word – to allow the Holy Spirit to take me into my grief, new and old, to acknowledge it, to own it, to process it, and to give it back to him.  I’ve cried more in the past 3 days than I have in the past couple years. But it’s a good kind of cry – a release, and also a revelation – for in this honesty the Lord speaks.

Here I find myself typing to you on my 36^th birthday (something I did not plan, it just happens to be a Wednesday, when I usually write). I remember when I used to think people who were 26 were old.  But, honestly, I really like my age and comfort I have with life at this point. Age is only a number, and I will always have a childlike heart.  I’m not concerned about being old. I know people 10 years younger who’ve already decided that they’re old and they act like it.  What I mean is that if you had told me then that I would be divorced, in Bethany, Oklahoma, and still single with no kids, not pastoring my own church just 10 years ago, I would have thought you were insane and probably laughed at you.

One of my particularly long-standing dreams was of being a husband and father.  At not just ANY husband and father, but the BEST possible.  Though I gave all of myself to the best of my ability, I found myself to be rejected and alone at 28 years old.  Sometimes with our plans – we have to remember that we’re not the only ones to exist in this world. As I spoke about with communication last week – we must fundamentally acknowledge the “otherness” in life and love.   Other people have not only their own dreams and plans, they have their own personalities – and yes, their own wills.  I remember when my psychologist said to me during the process leading up to the divorce, “Jason, I’ve seen couples come back from everything. Infidelity, abuse, addiction – you name it.  The only thing necessary is two WILLING people.  If only one person in a marriage is willing, well, it’s impossible.”

So I learned the deep truth about marriage that day – I learned it in my heart (already understood it in my head). Moreover, I knew that nothing I could do – no matter how great a man, husband, person, Christian, lover, confident, whatever – I could not make my ex WILL to want to do this thing called marriage with me.  That is quite humbling. Yet, it is also quite freeing to acknowledge you cannot control another person – no would you really want to – for that wouldn’t be choice, it would be manipulation – and manipulation is not love.  I’ve spent some time allowing myself to “re-grieve” this fact this week, to accept that it truly did change the course of my life.  Were I still together with my ex, we’d have kids and our own church and it wouldn’t be weird or sad to be around our friends or teens or church members who knew us as a couple.  But it is sad sometimes, in a way. And that’s ok.

But I’ve also been grieving the consequences of my own choices, in some ways.  There are two kinds of ways I grieve this.  First, there is regret.  Hindsight, as they say, is 20-20.  Regrets are the coulda-shoulda-woulda’s about the choices that we made that in reality, appear to have not been the best course of action had we known then what we know now.  The problem with regret is that NO ONE is that smart in real time. It’s easy to look back from the perspective of time and distance and say – “Why did I/didn’t I do this or that?” God asks us to live with Him in REAL TIME – the PRESENT MOMENT.  We judge ourselves too harshly sometimes, at least I do.  I feel as though I should have known better – based on my love for God or for others – but, alas, I am only a human being.  Plus, there is no way of knowing that any choice would have had the outcome that we thought it would have.  Maybe if you married someone different, life would have been more fulfilling. Equally plausible is the fact that life could turn out worse with that other person. One of the things that I grieve is wondering whether or not the choices that I have made to be a better man and to commit to my ministry here at BFC have actually negated the dream I have to truly love a woman with all my heart or to raise up children in a home filled with the Holy Spirit.

Even after the divorce, I assumed God would simply heal me and put me back on the course was on, maybe with an even better spouse.  Well, that has not happened because of the way I’ve chosen to live life and date (or not date as the case may be).  I’m not aiming to “be married” – I’m aiming for a marriage and family whose purpose it is to be a living reflection of the love of God in the world. There are tons of attractive and interesting women in the world. Very few whom I think could actually enjoy co-creating the vision with me. That rather raises the bar, in my mind, by my own choice. The age of 36 makes me wonder if that choice makes that dream a less likely reality.  Now, I don’t know that for sure – and with God I know all things are possible. Nevertheless, our choices do matter. However, we still have regrets because we now have a vision now or a revelation, and when that happens we usually try to effect a change in our lives. Sometimes, gloriously, things can be changed and sometimes they cannot. My grief exploration this week comes from acknowledging my regrets, but also my own human limitations. Again, I’m not as “omniscient or omnipotent” as God.  It is a lesson in humility.

Second, we grieve the choices that we have made that were actually wrong.  As I look back on my own stubbornness, pride, and selfishness, I have to acknowledge that I’ve made choices in situations that I knew were not the best.  There are some people I’ve dated, where I’ve just wanted to be with someone because I was bored or didn’t want to be alone or I was simply attracted to in enough ways like physically or interest-wise (but not all the ways necessary) –  rather than maintain my commitment to a vision.  I have chosen to disobey the leading of the Holy Spirit at times because I didn’t like where He was leading me – I wanted things in my way, in my time – and I’m SMART ENOUGH to be able to rationalize anything.  It’s not open disobedience (though I’ve had my times of defying God to “prove” a point) – it’s much more like when our mother Eve was tempted with “Did God REALLY say that?  God MUST be holding out on the good stuff for you.” I resisted hearing wisdom from people that I love the most because I had my mind set on the way that I wanted this to be – not in the godly vision sense – but in the very human, Jason sense.  I kept silence and withheld my true feelings/thoughts because I knew if I verbalized them to God or other people who knew me well – I knew what they would tell me, so I pretended I didn’t have them so I would not have to be culpable for sinning (I know, how dumb and fruitless, right?).  If you ever feeling like keeping a silent for these reasons, well, you may want to explore that.

In so doing, I’ve unintentionally hurt people (including myself).  Moreover, I deeply grieve hurting another human being.  I hate that my disobedient choices caused a good girl or two some real pain. I’m not that person – except that, yeah, I am.  I am confident in myself in many ways and probably people wouldn’t think this of me necessarily, but I am sensitive.  I do care.  One thing I’ve grieved was though my stated mission statement in life is the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi and though, I’ve thrown myself into Kingdom building – at times my own poor choices have lead me to wonder whether or not I am the man that God wants me to be. I’m trying in this portion of my life to be a man of love and reconciliation – a person who is not afraid to be honest or humble.  It’s all I know how to do, really.  Other people’s choices, as well as our “un-chosen” choices and our actual choices – these are realities we will have to live with in this life.

But these realities ARE NOT the LAST WORD.

We serve a CREATOR God who is still creating and whose very job it is to make all things new.  Moreover, we are invited to participate in this creation/recreation cycle with Him. In fact, when it comes to life and love – we must remember we are made in His image and we truly have the gift of creativity bestowed upon us by God.  He made us co-creators of the world WITH him. He allowed Adam to name the animals.  He gave us responsibility to care for the earth.  This means God has chosen to allow us to be participants with Him in shaping existence.  WOW. That’s pretty amazing.

Consider how this might apply to the foundational pillar of creativity for love and relationships.  We know that there is an unpredictability to life in the choices we cannot control and even the ones we can.  This cannot be controlled or changed for it is necessary condition for the vulnerability and choice that make LOVE possible.

Which means our amazing creator God has built into us the capacity to create and also recreate – to work WITH Him to make all things new.  I think this ability to make all things new – especially when it comes to grief over loss or when we take life (and each other) for granted – is critical for lasting love.  Sometimes things go wrong. It’s how you respond that makes the difference.  God can help you make all things new.

How does God do this?  In addition, how does this apply to love and relationships?  Glad you asked.  Those are good questions.  You people are pretty smart.

God does this in many ways but I will highlight three ways that I think that he does this and then show how this applies to love and relationships.

First, God is amazingly proactive.  Some of the very first words in Genesis 1 give us the picture of darkness and chaos in the world – but there is God – hovering over it all (actively present) and then again, actively – God starts talking. Let there be light! And there was light.  Good! Then He gets to man “making man in his own image, male and female. God blessed them. And after God was done with all this He says, VERY Good!”  Then God rests.

We see God, being good, having the ability to call things into existence out of nothing. We are called to be in relationship with this God by faith or trust.  We are called to actively participate with the active God by faith – which is our righteousness as it was for Abraham, who “Is our father in the sight of God, in who he believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they are. Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him. Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old…” (Romans 4:17b-19a).

In terms of love and relationships, I’m amazed at how much I and others BELIEVE God has spoken about them that really do not come from God at all. Thus, they are NOT God’s vision for life and love, they are the ideas and thoughts of the powers and principalities of this world.  Apart from God, they do not amount to much, but we believe in them because we hear them spoken as truth, often by people in the Church.

I noted this a little about the romantic worldview last week – that as a worldview, it is woefully one-sided and misleading and causes a lot of unhappiness. Why? It’s only a piece of the puzzle for love and relationships – not the goal itself.

There are other messages that the culture sends. Here’s the life narrative of middle America –  Graduate high school. Go to good college. Get good job. Have a lot of romances until you find the one. Marry ASAP you find them.  Settle in suburbs. Buy a Jetta.  Get a dog.  Have 2.3 kids.  Paint your house beige.  Talk about the stock market.  Complain about politics.  Get old and unhappy – so divorce and have fun or deal with it.  Make sure your kids have more money than you did. Focus on yourself later in life. Spend lots of money to stay alive as long as possible. Oh, and by the way. Men and women have very defined roles that cannot be questioned, which means you’ll never be equal partners in any significant way. Thnx. Mngmt.”

Who questions this narrative? Not many, sadly, not even the Church. While there can be good in some of it, it is a story that is unfamiliar to the biblical story which says your life is found when you let go of it and then find your life in Christ.  This may mean that you wait to fall in love for some time.  It may mean that you never move to the suburbs – instead you and your spouse go to Africa as missionaries.  You may be the couple that dances together or rides motorcycles across America together.  You may be the couple that chooses to live a simple life so you can give your money away to people in need. You’re love story may not look like middle class America – it may look like something altogether different – and that’s a good thing!

The point is that God’s proactivity means we can be radically open to co-create a loving relationship that is exactly what God has in mind BUT also UNIQUE and special. God loves diversity.  And you know what? So do we. Let’s face it – we all grow old and change all of the time. At some point you’re going to wake up with you spouse in your house with your kids and your job and you’re going to think “Is THIS it?” The answer is YES – this is your life that you created but NO, this isn’t it – you don’t have to remain stagnant, you don’t have to limit yourself.  Start dreaming together again. Open your heart and your mind to what God can do!

Most of our problems come because we LIMIT God. No wonder so many people get bored and frustrated with their life and each other! We decide to believe the rules/narrative of this world. We decide ahead of time what our lives will look like.  We decide how much we allow God to intervene.  We have the capacity to be creative but we stop using it and settle into lives of quiet desperation.  We say “NO” to God before we even truly know what He is offering. We only need to be proactive and be open again. God will help us make all things new.  And as Romans 12 says, the first thing that needs to be renewed in our minds.  Our minds can be our most limiting prison if not for the presence of the Holy Spirit transforming and renewing them.  But we’ve got to choose this – we have to be proactive and open – or we’ll simply just be reacting to life and going through the motions of existence, and relationships. No bueno.

Second, creativity requires the ability to listen.  After Jesus had ascended into heaven, he left his mission to Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth to his disciples.  If we look back on the Gospel stories, we will see that the disciples had a difficult time listening to Jesus – he talked, but they often didn’t get it.  They were always asking him to clear things up and a lot of this had to do with that they had very deeply pre-conceived idea of who the Messiah would be and what he would do for Israel.  If they had listened, they would have seen the bigger picture much earlier.

After Jesus leaves, in the book of Acts, the disciples receive the Holy Spirit and they live and move in the world very much like extensions of Jesus.  People like the Apostle Paul were bringing gentiles (non-Jewish people) into the Christian faith – and this eventually brought up a challenge to the preconceived idea that Christians would have to become Jews in order to be truly saved.  Paul and others challenged this preconception.  In Acts 15 – the leaders of the early church convened and they ACTUALLY LISTENED to the Holy Spirit and each other.  They decided that after listening, Gentiles did not have to become Jews to become Christian (It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us…). These are the same hard-headed and hard-hearted disciples that couldn’t understand the Gentile mission while Jesus himself was on earth with them. They learned to listen to the Holy Spirit and it changed the course of humanity for the better with that decision.

In terms of love and relationships – and especially romance – the discipline of listening manifests itself as thoughtfulness.   Now, I’m a romantic minded person and I tended to think in my earlier years that thoughtfulness was JUST grand declarations of affection.  Think of Noah trying to impress Ally by hanging from a Ferris Wheel one-handed, just to get a date.  Sometimes, these grand gestures are fun and necessary. However, that’s not the essence of romance.  It’s not in the “bigness” it’s not in “showing off” – it’s really in the intent, the little things, the knowing the needs of the other person and finding special ways to make sure that they know that you are there for them.  That is true romance.

For the longest time, I was the flower guy (and the mix tape guy too). Love to surprise a girl with the flowers. Then girls started hated getting flowers. At first, I was irritated by this change. I made it a point to figure out why.  It seemed flowers had become so cliché and that most guys were giving them at all the wrong times and even in giving them, were giving no thought to the woman of their affection, and only seemed to be doing it because it was “expected.”  Heck, I wouldn’t want flowers either if that’s how they were approached.  I limited my flower giving out of thoughtfulness, for I decided in listening that unless I could not make it a surprise and make the girl feel special, it really just was not romantic. To make it more complicated, each girl is different…so you’ve got to really pay attention to be thoughtful.  Some girls don’t like flowers, so it’s best not to force it – even if you like to do it.  Find out what the “flowers” thing is for that person and do that.  Pay attention!

But girls (and boys) appreciate thoughtfulness. Thoughtfulness communicates that you have listened to a person’s heart all along and you have learned, without necessarily having to ask, what kinds of things they like and what ways you could make them feel like they are the best person in the world.  Thoughtfulness is going out of your way for another person when you didn’t have to do it, just because.  It’s thoughtfulness that is creative because you are making something ordinary – like packing someone their favorite lunch with a note – into something extraordinary because you’ve made it personal.  Love is really in the little things.  The big things are nice – but they’re only amazing when they come from a place that indicates thoughtfulness.  Other than that, they’re not that impressive.  We don’t need big/expensive things – whatever they may be – to be impressed.  We NEED to be special to the one we love. Thoughtfulness creates this.

I think listening to another’s heart and then thoughtfully creating something unique for them is true romance and the best way to serve someone in love.

Third, creativity – especially re-creativity – requires GRACE.  In Jesus, God is making all things new.  The reality of our world is that it is broken by sin and death.  God desires to redeem, restore, and renew it to the beauty for which it was designed.  That is why we are told in John 3:16-17:  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him might not perish but have life everlasting. God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” Philip Yancy defines grace as: “There is nothing you can do to make God love you more and that there is nothing you can do that can make God love you less.” Will we sin? Yes. Will we make mistakes? Yes. Will we make poor choices? Yes.  Will we hurt ourselves and other people? Yes.  But God is RICH in love and mercy – gives.  His arms remain open.  He desires to be in a love relationship with you above all that.  God continuously chooses you. God WILLS you. He will not force himself on you – for that is not gracious or loving – but He will always be wooing you with His love.  In His grace, he is always willing to forgive and begin anew.  God’s grace CREATES NEW SPACE for the relationship to be redefined and begin anew. It makes no logical sense to us because we are so focused on shame, guilt, condemnation, and punishment.  But God is not looking for that, He’s looking for love.

Forgiveness is necessary for love and relationships – both asking for it and offering it.  I can hear most of you saying “DUH Genius”.  I know it seems obvious, but I’m afraid to say that we live in a world with relationships built on contracts and not covenants so forgiveness seems to be in short supply.  Many, many couples tear one another apart because of unforgiveness for not meeting expectations or for doing actual harm, or because of pride – the inability to be humble, admit wrong doing, and say “I’m sorry”.

To be clear – we don’t have to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. It makes no logical sense if we’re trying to protect our rights. Giving grace or extending forgiveness is very much one of the most God-like things we can do, for in forgiveness we are literally creating SOMETHING out of NOTHING.  We are recreating a relationship together with our spouse. We are taking, in instances, what has died and allowing god to breathe resurrection into it.  We are setting someone free from being defined by their past mistakes towards us and seeing them anew in the eyes of God, as God sees them.

That’s the transforming power of forgiveness.

Asking for forgiveness is also powerful.  It means that we fully acknowledge the other person – and know that we ourselves are broken. Instead of pridefully trying to “protect” our false selves – saying I’m sorry and changing courses can unleash the power of grace into the relationship.  It may actually be what is necessary for the other person to acknowledge their own unforgiveness.  Forgiveness – confession – is the discipline of honesty.  Honest with God. Honest with others. Honest with ourselves. All loving relationships need honesty.  And honestly, because we are different people, we are going to hurt one another.  There is no “perfect” relationship where this never happens.  The only “perfect” relationship – or “perfect love” is the kind that knows this ahead of time and commits to a course of reconciliation. Reconciliation is the ministry Christians are called to do in this world.  For some strange reason, we just find it so hard to do that. Well, that’s called unforgiveness and it will always kill a relationship (of any kind).  Be reconciled to one another… and stand amazed as you two, together with God, create a new beginning for your relationship.

Well, this has been a long devotional on creativity. I began it with an honest and humble story of my life with God this week.  I am listening to these lessons today knowing that the Lord challenges me to live this stuff out in my own relationship with Him, with the people in my life, and perhaps one day with another person.

Whatever course my life takes, I trust the CREATIVE God who makes all things new.

Moreover, I choose to apply this creative capacity to my whole life with His help.  Only Jesus Christ is the Alpha and Omega – the first and the last word.  Nothing that has happened through human choice – ours or theirs – good, bad, indifferent are the last word.  After death, there is always resurrection in Him – the first fruit of the new creation.

Next week, I will wrap this five-week mini series on love and relationship up by addressing CONFIDENCE.  With the way this week has gone with the Lord, who knows what THAT devotional is going to be like! Haha

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Jason

You Shut Your Mouth When You are Talking to Me (no.12)

Greetings Family and Friends,

I’m back for the weekly update and I must say that this past week has been an especially good time with God week, especially yesterday (Tuesday).  Yesterday was just one of those days when prayer and action went together perfectly.  Good time with God in prayer lead to doing good things with and for God.  I like days like that, when I feel so deeply connected to Him.

We’re in week three of my five week “love and relationships” series.  The first week was a discussion of the spiritually formed life, the foundation for all living, including our love relationships.  Last week was a discussion of the role of covenant love in relationships (as opposed to the contractual love of our modern society).

Part 3 of this love and relationships series countdown to Valentine’s Day 2010 addresses a word that we oft here as being important to relationships – COMMUNICATION – but most people don’t know exactly why or how it’s important.  But like people know “Jesus” is somehow the answer to every Sunday school question, they know “communication” somehow answers relationship issues.

But communication is something everyone does, all of the time, and still relationships fail.  So what is good communication? Usually, people think of certain communication techniques.  Improving your verbal communication technique can definitely make a difference in a relationship.

The title of today’s devotional is a line from the movie Wedding Crashers.  It comes from a scene where the two main characters are mediating a divorce. The couple were communicating, but doing so poorly at it that finally the wife angrily, says to her husband “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

We’ve all been there in situations when communication fails and becomes silly, nonsensical – and eventually spiteful and destructive.  It often doesn’t take long to get there.  Conflict often leads people down this path – though it’s not necessary. That is why communication theorists, and practitioners like myself try to help change the dynamic through various systems and techniques to make conflict more constructive rather than destructive.

Some main examples would include a system of transformative mediation, built on the concepts of empowerment (strength of self and confidence in one’s ability to communicate) and recognition (viewing the other person in conflict as a person, a legitimate “other”, and seriously seeking to understand their point of view).  In premarital counseling I teach a 10 step process of conflict resolution, along with the skills of active listening and feedback.  These things can and do help!

However, we need to dig deeper into the heart of communication to understand the true dynamic of relationships.  Without communication – there is no relationship. There are two main different kinds of communication, verbal and nonverbal.  Most of our communication is non-verbal.  Moreover, communication is part of the essence of humanity.

As human beings we are created in the image of the Triune God. God exists as three-in-one and one-in-three. What this means is that God IS a RELATIONSHIP of HOLY LOVE.   The Trinity is a mystery, but we are supposed to understand the life itself is relational. To exist as a human being is to be in relationship.

Relationships are dynamic –  a constant motion. Again, back to the Trinity. The Greek word that the earliest Christian leaders used to describe the Trinity was perichoresis.  Literally, it means to “to dance around”. Picture a Greek wedding dance – with people wrapping arms around each others shoulders and moving around in a circle.  It is a relationship of inter-penetration, indwelling, and intimacy. This is the picture of what God is like.

God is both three and one, an eternal dance of love and joy. Each person of God (Father, Word, Spirit) makes up the whole WITHOUT diminishing each separate person.  Togetherness and separateness.  Made in his image we are made for communion – with God and others.

There is a communication theory that beautifully models this holy communion and I believe that if we would understand how it corresponds to the dynamic life of God itself, we can learn how to dance in relationships of love and joy with each other.

The theory is called relational dialectics. I want to briefly teach it to you because (1) I think it matches the concept of the Triune God being an eternal dance, which means humans made in His image it matches us, and (2) It is an important corrective to the one-sidedness of the romantic worldview myth.

Yes, I said the romantic worldview is a myth – and a dangerous one at that. This comes from a romantic person.  I love romance. Nothing wrong with it at all – its rather fun and I’ll say some positive things about it nest week in the discussion of “creativity.”  But as a worldview, romanticism is woefully inadequate for the Christian and especially bad when it comes to communication.

The myth permeates our culture, especially our tv/movies.  Unfortunately, the romantic myth is built on a concept of fate or determinism – which may be perfectly fine for you if you’re not a Christian! Essentially, we are predestined to be with one person and life is an eternal search for “the one”. Through a serious of comedies and tragedies, we go back and forth from relationship to relationship until fate intervenes and we find the other one who will “complete” us.  How do we know that we’ve found them? We “just know” – which has to do with some feelings in our stomach or our heart beating faster or our inability to control ourselves around them.  We know because we “feel” it.  We feel “in love.” We know we’re in love when we stay up all night having 7 hour conversations; we think about that person every waking minute, and we change our lives so that we can always be together. Should these feelings change, we should try a little to “fall in love again” but if that doesn’t work, we’re obviously not with “the one” and we should go out searching again for someone to fill the longing in our hearts.  And when we find them we hold on tight and never let go. Two halves finally make a whole.

Seriously?

GROSS.

But so much of the entertainment industry is built on this premise – i.e., the Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc. And these shows/movies are popular because we keep communicating that this romantic myth is what we all believe in.

I like some aspects of romance – even some of the things I called gross. However, I like it in balance, moderation, and I actually like for relationships to move out of the “fusion” phase (which is natural) to the healthier dynamics of later stages.

I believe in a healthier view of love and this is based in a truthful view of the Triune God – and it is this truth that shows up in relational dialectics that is a healthy foundation that I want to both communicate and establish as the basis for relationship communication.

Remember that God is a dance, a relationship, threeness-in-oneness, motion, love, separateness-and togetherness…

The communication theory of relational dialectics is based on four core concepts (bear with me as I do a teacher outline, it’ll help in the end…) J

(1)    Contradictions – the dynamic interplay between unified oppositions. A contradiction is formed whenever two tendencies or forces are interdependent (unity) yet mutually negate one another (negation).  Basically, relationships are a dynamic interplay of things that alone are opposite but together form a dynamic reality.  We desire TWO things that are contradictory. For example:

1. Internal Tensions (within each person) – autonomy & connection. Openness & privacy. Novelty & predictability.
2. External Tensions (between the couple & others) – inclusion & seclusion. Revealment & concealment. Conventionality & uniqueness.

(2)    Totality – contradictions are part of a unified whole and cannot be understood in isolation. These tensions can’t be separated.  Each side makes its opposite meaningful. They define each other. You can’t understand “autonomy” apart from “connection.”

(3)    Process – movement, activity, and change are functional properties –

Remember the “dance” of God? Reality is dynamic we are not autonomous OR connected. We are constantly moving between both in different ways.

(4)    Praxis – praxis means “practical behavior” or how we do things.  Dialectic tensions are created and re-created through active participation and interaction. In other words, the practical experience of having a relationship exposes you to the imposition of the needs and values of another person. Praxis focuses on the practical choices individuals make in the midst of the opposing needs and values (tensions) and then these choices change the nature of the relationship and then it keeps going on, forming and reforming…

Ok – enough college professor Jason for now!!! Hope you’re still with me! J

Here’s what I really, really, really want for couples to know about relational dialectics versus the romantic worldview myth.

The romantic worldview myth drives us to resolve the inherent and necessary and healthy tensions of a relationship based on the concept of “fusion.” So, it only values one side of the tension. For example, in terms of internal dynamics of a relationship, the romantic myth says “connection, openness, and predictability” are the goals to work for in a relationship.  A good relationship and good communication means a couple must eliminate the opposing forces of “autonomy, privacy, and novelty.”

WRONG ANSWER.

How boring would such a relationship be? This one-sidedness would suck all the motion, all the joy, all the life, all the growth out of a relationship.  Look, I wouldn’t want to be around someone all the time with no room for autonomy – time alone with God, to read, to be with friends outside a relationship, to grow as a man – I need this. Why? Because I’m really NOT that interesting unless I’m growing…and neither are you. Hey, we all like reruns of Friends but we need some new shows too. Too many of us want relationships ONLY in the land of syndicated TV (predictability). No thank you, give me some new shows too.

Somebody who stops growing and settles communicates that they’ve arrived and are finding their happiness& security in the other person. Slowly the relationship, the family, the home – it becomes the idol – and it’s a false god who will fail you, no matter how much you give it. 

We need the tensions and we need to learn how to continue to dynamically dance around the tensions together.  The “center” of this dance is covenant love. The goal is participating in the dancing love of the Triune God.

Can you imagine the Father without the Son, the Son without the Spirit? Can you imagine our God never having become a human being – experiencing life as one of us in order to love us and redeem us?  These three persons of God make the unity of God meaningful.  Most importantly, it is the basis of love. For LOVE to be LOVE there must be (1) another Person to love and (2) it must be chosen.

Let’s look at the most mysterious and ecstatic expression of intimacy – sex – as an example. SEX is COMMUNICATON.

[TIMID PEOPLE STOP READING HERE AND SKIP TO THE END]

The Bible uses the word “to know” to describe sex, it’s a deep knowing, literally a penetration into another person, literally taking another person into yourself. News-flash: we cannot have sex ALL of the time – and honestly, I wouldn’t want to – I like to talk and I like to sleep and eat.  In fact, the times of abstinence – before marriage or in the times in marriage in-between each sexual act –these times make the sex meaningful.

A one-sided view of sex from the romantic love myth perspective only views sex connected with our individual feelings – and thus when we don’t feel it, we refuse to “communicate”. Or we only communicate on our own terms or think that the only good communication is on one side of the spectrum (read: selfishly) – for example, a lot of people only approach sex for their orgasm, which is selfish and really only a glorified form of masturbation. Or there’s people who only see “good sex” as all reading some Song of Songs together, lighting candles and  laying out flower petals, putting Barry White or John Mayer on the stereo, a hot-tub, and hours in length. That’s nice. That’s great. However, why is that side of the spectrum the only thing that makes sex good? Can’t good sex be the other side of the spectrum, with a little novelty and play, in the middle of the day?  It seems really obvious – and actually the best spiritual and psychological authors would say – healthy relational sex requires both.

By analogy, TALK is communication too.  I love long-deep, conversations…but I also love just laughing together with someone over a good joke or silly things. Both are good communication.

One is not necessarily better than the other, BOTH make up a great communication dynamic in a relationship.  I want both sides of the coin in my communication, be it sex or talk, because it reflects a deeper, healthier reality about the nature of relationships.

Obviously, I’m using the very intimate example of sex to highlight how silly it is that we are taught often by our society AND BY THE CHURCH a very one-sided, romantic worldview, deterministic myth that robs us and our relationships of the joy of the eternal dance.

WHY is it always either/or with us?

MUCH of the goodness comes in the dialectic tension of BOTH/AND.

The people who determine that there is only one way to talk, to make-love, to live –they are the ones who limit God, for God is wonderfully creative (talk more about this next week).

Covenant love is the foundation, the center of the entire relationship.  Our security comes truly from our love with God, but by extension, we are secure in a relationship because the other person has said “with God’s help, I give my life to you, all of it, for better or worse, I choose you.”  Communication dances around this center.

Good (and Godly) COMMUNICATION is one that reflects the Triune God’s eternal dance of joyful love.

It reflects the relational dialectics that exist in order to make us recognize that we are in a relationship – and being in a relationship means there is an “other” person, wholly different from us – and this creates all sorts of inherent tensions.

These tensions don’t – can’t – be resolved, they staying constant interplay and motion between two people who choose to love one another sacrificially.

We need to stop believing that good communication is a one-sided resolution of these tensions. That’s a myth and it’s dangerous because if we “resolve” these tensions we will resolve them the way that makes us feel comfortable.  That means one person will be defining the relationship to the exclusion of the other. This is selfish and leads to the dissolution of the relationship.

Practical advice: Guys NEED guys night out IN ORDER to be better boyfriends and husbands.  Girls NEED to maintain their relationships with their friends AFTER they find their man – because we guys know we are NOT that interesting in and of ourselves! Haha. We need to keep reading and growing – sometimes on our own so that we can introduce that INTO the relationship. Take a class. Find an accountability partner.  But we also need to dream dreams together, envision how the relationship doesn’t exist only for itself, but to be a picture, a representation of God’s love in the world (see external tensions).

From “COMMUNICATION” as foundation to “communication” between two people.  The truth of God being a Triune and the genius of relational dialectics is this. Each concept is OTHERS focused.  Yep. We don’t exist in isolation. That in itself is a dialectic tension.  We are not alone nor do we really have to fear being alone – if we acknowledge otherness. It is often this fear that drives the romantic worldview myth.  However, if we understand and appreciate the “otherness” of existence, of life, then we can embrace it.  It’s how the LORD designed the world to operate.  It makes love possible. It makes choice meaningful.

I recently had the chance to see the movie Avatar in 3D. While it was visually stunning and a good movie, I also liked Avatar the first time I saw it when it was called “Dances with Wolves.”

However, one of the beautiful moments or lines in the movie was the phrase “I see you.” It speaks of deep knowing, recognition and appreciation of the other person. In the movie it was two different species that “saw” each other and fell in love.  In otherness we learn to “see each other.”

For those fear of commitment folks – the autonomous ones – you need to explore the “otherness” of connection for it makes your autonomy meaningful.  For those commitment lovers – the connection ones – you need to explore your autonomous side, because it will help you understand your connections more fully.  It’s always both/and NOT either/or that make up a person and a relationship.

There is no fear in love. Love brings the freedom to truly appreciate and serve the other. This will affect our verbal communication. We’ll learn to actually listen better and speak words that “do no harm”.  This will affect our non-verbal communication. We’ll actually learn the way or body language and the use of our time communicates important messages to the person we love.

The bottom line is that if we can’t understand that communication is fundamentally built on “otherness” we will never appreciate the dance of relationships and we will keep on trying to force ourselves and our way on to other people.  We no longer have to have communication that in effect says “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.” This is BAD communication – selfish – and most unloving.  That’s a surefire way to end up alone standing on a wall in the gym, with nobody to dance with at the Prom of Life.

I think God gave us the gift of being able to experience the “other” and these dialectical tensions in communication so that we would learn to serve and so that we would forever have the JOY of DISCOVERY with each other. How great is it that as we continue to grow and learn about each other, mystery will always remain – there is discovery and rediscovery and rediscovery. That’s amazingly creative of God!!!

Next week, we’ll move on to creativity.

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Jason